Annie Hall Script - Screenplay

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					ANNIE HALL SCRIPT

					  Screnplay By 
					 
					  Woody Allen &
                                   
				         Marshall Brickman


(Sound and Woody Allen monologue begin)


FADE IN:

White credits dissolve in and out on black screen.  No sound.


									FADE OUT: credits



FADE IN:

Abrupt medium close-up of Alvy Singer doing a comedy monologue.  He
wearing a crumbled sports jacket and tieless shirt; the background is stark.

					ALVY	    
			There's an old joke.  Uh, two elderly 
			women are at a Catskills mountain 
			resort, and one of 'em says: "Boy, the 
			food at this place is really terrible." 
			The other one says, "Yeah, I know, and 
			such ... small portions." Well, that's 
			essentially how I feel about life.  Full 
			of loneliness and misery and suffering 
			and unhappiness, and it's all over much 
			too quickly.  The-the other important 
			joke for me is one that's, uh, usually 
			attributed to Groucho Marx, but I think 
			it appears originally in Freud's wit and 
			its relation to the unconscious.  And it 
			goes like this-I'm paraphrasing: Uh ... 
			"I would never wanna belong to any club 
			that would have someone like me for a 
			member." That's the key joke of my adult 
			life in terms of my relationships with 
			women.  Tsch, you know, lately the 
			strangest things have been going 
			through my mind, 'cause I turned forty, 
			tsch, and I guess I'm going through a 
			life crisis or something, I don't know. 
			I, uh ... and I'm not worried about aging.  
			I'm not one o' those characters, you know. 
			Although I'm balding slightly on top, that's 
			about the worst you can say about me.  I, 
			uh, I think I'm gonna get better as I get 
			older, you know?  I think I'm gonna be the-
			the balding virile type, you know, as 
			opposed to say the, uh, distinguished 
			gray, for instance, you know?  'Less I'm 
			neither o' those two. Unless I'm one o' 
			those guys with saliva dribbling out of 
			his mouth who wanders into a cafeteria 
			with a shopping bag screaming about 
			socialism. 
				(Sighing) 
			Annie and I broke up and I-I still can't 
			get my mind around that.  You know, I-I 
			keep sifting the pieces of the relationship 
			through my mind and-and examining my life 
			and tryin' to figure out where did the 
			screw-up come, you know, and a year ago we 
			were... tsch, in love.  You know, and-and-and 
			... And it's funny, I'm not-I'm not a 
			morose type.  I'm not a depressive character.  
			I-I-I, uh, 
				(Laughing) 
			you know, I was a reasonably happy kid, 
			I guess.  I was brought up in Brooklyn 
			during World War II.

									CUT TO:


INT. DOCTOR'S OFFICE-DAY

Alvy as young boy sits on a sofa with his  mother in an old-fashioned, 
cluttered doctor's office.  The doctor stands near the sofa, holding a 
cigarette and listening.

					MOTHER 
				(To the doctor) 
			He's been depressed.  All off a sudden, 
			he can't do anything.

					DOCTOR 
				(Nodding) 
			Why are you depressed, Alvy?
 
					MOTHER 
				(Nudging Alvy) 
			Tell Dr. Flicker. 
				(Young Alvy sits, his head down.  His 
				mother answers for him) 
			It's something he read.

					DOCTOR 
				(Puffing on his cigarette and 
				nodding) 
			Something he read, huh?  

					ALVY 
				(His head still down) 
			The universe is expanding.

					DOCTOR 
			The universe is expanding?

					ALVY 
				(Looking up at the doctor) 
			Well, the universe is everything, and if 
			it's expanding, someday it will break apart 
			and that would be the end of everything!

Disgusted, his mother looks at him.

					MOTHER 
				(shouting) 
			What is that your business? 
				(she turns back to the doctor) 
			He stopped doing his homework.

					ALVY 
			What's the point?

					MOTHER 
				(Excited, gesturing with her hands) 
			What has the universe got to do with it?  
			You're here in Brooklyn!  Brooklyn is not 
			expanding!



					DOCTOR 
				(Heartily, looking down at Alvy) 
			It won't be expanding for billions of years 
			yet, Alvy.  And we've gotta try to enjoy 
			ourselves while we're here.  Uh?

He laughs.

									CUT TO:


Fall shot of house with an amusement-park roller-coaster ride built over it. 
A line of cars move up and then slides with great speed while out the window 
of the house a band shakes a dust mop.

					ALVY'S VOICE 
			My analyst says I exaggerate my childhood 
			memories, but I swear I was brought up 
			underneath the roller-

									CUT TO:


INT. HOUSE

Alvy as a child sits at the table eating soup and reading a comic book while 
his father sits on the sofa reading the paper.  The house shakes with every 
move of the roller coaster.

					ALVY'S VOICE 
			-coaster in the Coney Island section of 
			Brooklyn.  Maybe that accounts for my 
			personality, which is a little nervous, I 
			think.

CUT TO:

Young Alvy at the food-stand concession watching three military men 
representing the Army, the Navy and the Marines arm in arm with a blond woman 
in a skirted bathing suit.  They all turn and run toward the foreground.  The 
girl stops before the camera to lean over and throw a kiss.  The sign over the 
concession reads "Steve's Famous Clam Bar.  Ice Cold Beer, "and the roller 
coaster is moving in full gear in the background.

					ALVY'S VOICE 
			You know, I have a hyperactive imagination.  
			My mind tends to jump around a little, and 
			have some trouble between fantasy and reality.

									CUT TO:


Full shot of people in bumper cars thoroughly enjoying bumping into each other 
as Alvy father stands in the center of the track directing traffic.

					ALVY'S VOICE 
			My father ran the bumper-car concession. 
				(Alvy as a child moves into the frame 
				driving a bumper car.  He stops as other 
				cars bombard him.  His father continues 
				to direct the traffic) 
			There-there he is and there I am.  But I-I-I-I 
			used to get my aggression out through those 
			cars all the time.

Alvy backs up his car off screen.


INT. SCHOOLROOM - DAY

The camera pans over three austere-looking teachers standing in front of the 
blackboard.  The chalk writing on the board changes as each teacher lectures. 
While Alvy speaks, one of the male teachers puts an equation on the blackboard.
- "2 X 10 = 20 " and other arithmetic formulas.

					ALVY'S VOICE 
			I remember the staff at our public 
			school.  You know, we had a saying, uh, 
			that "Those who can't do, teach, and 
			those who can't teach, teach gym." And 
			...uh, h'h, of course, those who couldn't 
			do anything, I think, were assigned to 
			our school.  I must say-

									CUT TO:


A female teacher standing in front of an old-fashioned schoolroom.  The 
blackboard behind her reads "Transportation Administration. The camera pans 
her point of view: a group of young students sitting behind their desks.  Alvy 
as a child sits in a center desk wile all around him there is student activity;
there is note-passing, ruler-tapping, nose-picking, gumchewing.

					ALVY'S VOICE 
			I always felt my schoolmates were idiots.  
			Melvyn Greenglass, you know, fat little 
			face, and Henrietta Farrell, just Miss 
			Perfect all the time.  And-and Ivan 
			Ackerman, always the wrong answer.  Always. 

Ivan stands up behind his desk.

					IVAN 
			Seven and three is nine.

Alvy hits his forehead with his hand.  Another student glances over at him, 
reacting.

					ALVY'S VOICE 
			Even then I knew they were just jerks. 
				(The camera moves back to the teacher, 
				who is glaring out at her students) 
			In nineteen forty-two I had already dis-

As Alvy talks, the camera shows him move from his seat and kiss a young girl.  
She jumps from her seat in disgust, rubbing her cheek, as Alvy moves back to 
his seat.

					1ST GIRL 
				(Making noises) 
			Ugh, he kissed me, he kissed me.

					TEACHER 
				(Off screen) 
			That's the second time this month!  Step 
			up here!

As the teacher, really glaring now, speaks, Alvy rises from his seat and moves 
over to her.  Angry, she points with her band while the students turn their 
heads to watch what will happen next.

					ALVY 
			What'd I do?

					TEACHER 
			Step up here!

					ALVY 
			What'd I do?

					TEACHER 
			You should be ashamed of yourself.

The students, their heads still turned, look back at Alvy, now an adult, 
sitting in the last seat of the second row.

					ALVY (AS ADULT) 
				(First off screen, then onscreen as 
				camera moves over to the back of the 
				classroom) 
			Why, I was just expressing a healthy sexual 
			curiosity.

					TEACHER 
				(The younger, Alvy standing next to her) 
			Six-year-old boys don't have girls on 
			their minds.


					ALVY (AS ADULT) 
				(Still sitting in the back of 
				the classroom) 
			I did. 

The girl the young Alvy kissed turns to the older Alvy, she gestures and 
speaks.

					1ST GIRL 
			For God's sakes, Alvy, even Freud speaks 
			of a latency period.

					ALVY (AS ADULT) 
				(Gesturing) 
			Well, I never had a latency period.  I 
			can't help it.

					TEACHER
				(With young, Alvy still at her side) 
			Why couldn't you have been more like Donald? 
				(The camera pans over to Donald, 
				sitting up tall in his seat, then 
				back to the teacher) 
			Now, there was a model boy!

					ALVY (AS CHILD) 
				(Still standing next to the teacher) 
			Tell the folks where you are today, Donald.

					DONALD 
			I run a profitable dress company.

					ALVY'S VOICE 
			Right.  Sometimes I wonder where my 
			classmates are today.

The camera shows the full classroom, the students sitting behind their desks, 
the teacher standing in the front of the room.  One at a time, the young 
students rise u from their desks and speak.

					1ST BOY 
			I'm president of the Pinkus Plumbing Company.

					2ND BOY 
			I sell tallises.

					3RD BOY 
			I used to be a heroin addict.  Now I'm a 
			methadone addict. 

					2ND GIRL 
				I'm into leather.


INT. ROOM

Close-up of a TV screen showing Alvy as an adult on a talk show.  He sits next 
to the show, host, Dick Cavett, a Navy man sits on his right.  Static is heard 
throughout the dialogue.

					ALVY 
			I lost track of most of my old schoolmates, 
			but I wound up a comedian.  They did not take 
			me in the Army.  I was, uh ... Interestingly 
			enough, I was-I was four-P.

Sounds of TV audience laughter and applause are heard.

					DICK CAVETT 
			Four-P?

					ALVY 
			Yes.  In-in-in-in the event of war, I'm a 
			hostage.

More audience laughter joined by Dick Cavett and the naval officer.


INT. THE HOUSE WHERE ALVY GREW UP

Alvy's  mother sits at the old-fashioned dining-room table peeling carrots and 
talking as she looks off screen.

					MOTHER 
			You always only saw the worst in people.  
			You never could get along with anyone at 
			school.  You were always outta step with the 
			world.  Even when you got famous, you still 
			distrusted the world.'


EXT. MANHATTAN STREET-DAY

A pretty Manhattan street with sidewalk trees, brownstones, a school; people 
mill about, some strolling and carrying bundles, others buried.  The screen 
shows the whole length of the sidewalk, a street, and part of the sidewalk 
beyond.  As the following scene ensues, two pedestrians, indistinguishable in 
the distance, come closer and closer toward the camera, recognizable, finally, 
as Alvy and his best friend, Rob, deep in conversation.  They eventually move 
past the camera and off screen.  Traffic noise is heard in the background.

					ALVY 
			I distinctly heard it.  He muttered under 
			his breath, "Jew." 

					ROB 
			You're crazy!

					ALVY 
			No, I'm not.  We were walking off the 
			tennis court, and you know, he was there 
			and me and his wife, and he looked at her 
			and then they both looked at me, and under 
			his breath he said, "Jew."

					ROB 
			Alvy, you're a total paranoid.


					ALVY 
			Wh- How am I a paran-?  Well, I pick up on 
			those kind o' things.  You know, I was 
			having lunch with some guys from NBC, so 
			I said ... uh, "Did you eat yet or what?" 
			and Tom Christie said, "No, didchoo?" 
			Not, did you, didchoo eat?  Jew?  No, not 
			did you eat, but Jew eat?  Jew.  You get it?  
			Jew eat?

					ROB 
			Ah, Max, you, uh ...

					ALVY 
			Stop calling me Max.

					ROB 
			Why, Max?  It's a good name for you.  Max, 
			you see conspiracies in everything.

					ALVY 
			No, I don't!  You know, I was in a record 
			store.  Listen to this -so I know there's 
			this big tall blond crew-cutted guy and 
			he's lookin' at me in a funny way and 
			smiling and he's saying, "Yes, we have a 
			sale this week on Wagner." Wagner, Max, 
			Wagner-so I know what he's really tryin' 
			to tell me very significantly Wagner. 

					ROB 
			Right, Max.  California, Max.

					ALVY 
			Ah.

					ROB 
			Let's get the hell outta this crazy city.

					ALVY 
			Forget it, Max.

					ROB 
			-we move to sunny L.A. All of show business 
			is out there, Max.

					ALVY
			No, I cannot.  You keep bringing it up, but 
			I don't wanna live in a city where the only 
			cultural advantage is that you can make a 
			right turn on a red light.

					ROB
				(Checking his watch) 
			Right, Max, forget it.  Aren't you gonna be 
			late for meeting Annie?

					ALVY 
			I'm gonna meet her in front of the Beekman.  
			I think I have a few minutes left.  Right?


EXT. BEEKMAN THEATER-DAY

Alvy stands in front of glass doors of theater, the ticket taker behind him 
just inside the glass doors.  The sounds of city traffic, car horns honking, 
can be heard while he looks around waiting for, Annie. A man in a black leather
jacket, walking past the theater, stops in front of, Alvy.  He looks at him, 
then moves away.  He stops a few steps farther and turns around to look at Alvy
again.  Alvy looks away, then back at the man.  The man continues to stare. 
Alvy scratches his head, looking for Annie and trying not to notice the man. 
The man, still staring, walks back to Alvy.

					1ST MAN 
			Hey, you on television?

					ALVY 
				(Nodding his head) 
			No. Yeah, once in a while.  You know, 
			like occasionally.

					1ST MAN 
			What's your name?

					ALVY 
				(Clearing his throat) 
			You wouldn't know it.  It doesn't matter.  
			What's the difference?

					1ST MAN 
			You were on ... uh, the ... uh, the Johnny 
			Carson, right?  

					ALVY 
			Once in a while, you know.  I mean, you 
			know, every now-

					1ST MAN 
			What's your name?

Alvy  is getting more and more uneasy as the man talks; more and more people 
move through the doors of the theater.

					ALVY 
				(Nervously) 
			I'm ... I'm, uh, I'm Robert Redford. 

					1ST MAN 
				(Laughing) 
			Come on.

					ALVY
			Alvy Singer. It was nice nice ... Thanks 
			very much ... for everything.

They shake hands and Alvy pats the man's arm.  The man in turn looks over his 
shoulder and motions to another man. All excited now, he points to Alvy and 
calls out. Alvy looks impatient.

					1ST MAN 
			Hey!

					2ND MAN 
				(Off screen) 
			What?

					1ST MAN 
			This is Alvy Singer!

					ALVY 
			Fellas ... you know-Jesus!  Come on!

					1ST MAN 
				(Overlapping, ignoring Alvy) 
			This guy's on television!  Alvy
			Singer, right?  Am I right?

					ALVY 
				(Overlapping 1st man) 
			Gimme a break, will yuh, gimme a break.
			Jesus Christ!

					1ST MAN 
				(Still ignoring Alvy's protestations) 
			This guy's on television.

					ALVY 
			I need a large polo mallet!

					2ND MAN 
				(Moving into the screen) 
			Who's on television?

					1ST MAN
			This guy, on the Johnny Carson show.

					ALVY 
				(Annoyed) 
			Fellas, what is this-a meeting o' the 
			teamsters?  You know.. .

					2ND MAN 
				(Also ignoring Alvy) 
			What program?

					1ST MAN 
				(Holding out a matchbook) 
			Can I have your autograph?

					ALVY 
			You don't want my autograph.

					1ST MAN 
				(Overlapping, Alvy's  speech) 
			Yeah, I do.  It's for my girl friend.  
			Make it out to Ralph.

					ALVY 
				(Taking the matchbook and pen and 
				writing) 
			Your girl friend's name is Ralph?

					1ST MAN 
			It's for my brudder. 
				(To passersby) 
			Alvy Singer!  Hey!  This is Alvy-

					2ND MAN 
				(To Alvy, overlapping 1st man's speech) 
			You really Alvy Singer, the ... the 
			TV star?

Nodding his head yes, Alvy shoves 2nd man aside and moves to the curb of the 
sidewalk.  The two men follow, still talking over the traffic noise.

					1ST MAN 
			-Singer!

					2ND MAN 
			Alvy Singer over here!

A cab moves into the frame and stops by the curb.  Alvy moves over to it about 
to get in.

					ALVY 
				(Overlapping the two men and 
				stuttering) 
			I-i-i-i-it's all right, fellas. 
				(As Alvy opens the cab door, the 
				two men still behind him, Annie 
				gets out) 
			Jesus, what'd you do, come by way of 
			the Panama Canal?

					ANNIE 
				(Overlapping Alvy) 
			Alright, alright, I'm in a bad mood, okay?  

Annie closes the cab door and she and Alvy move over to the ticket booth of 
the theater as they continue to talk.

					ALVY 
			Bad mood?  I'm standing with the cast of 
			"The Godfather."

					ANNIE 
			You're gonna hafta learn to deal with it.

					ALVY 
			Deal!  I'm dealing with two guys named 
			Cheech!

					ANNIE 
			Okay. 
				(They move into the ticket line, 
				still talking.  A billboard next to 
				them reads "INGMAR BERGMAN'S 'FACE 
				TO FACE ,'LIV ULLMANN") 
			Please, I have a headache, all right?

					ALVY 
			Hey, you are in a bad mood.  You-you-
			you must be getting your period.

					ANNIE 
			I'm not getting my period.  Jesus, every 
			time anything out of the ordinary happens, 
			you think that I'm getting my period!

They move over to the ticket counter, people in front of them buying tickets 
and walking off screen.

					ALVY 
				(Gesturing) 
			A li-little louder.  I think one of them 
			may have missed it! 
				(To the ticket clerk) 
			H'm, has the picture started yet?

					TICKET CLERK 
			It started two minutes ago.

					ALVY 
				(Hitting his hand on the counter) 
			That's it!  Forget it!  I-I can't go in.

					ANNIE 
			Two minutes, Alvy.

					ALVY 
				(Overlapping Annie)
			No, I'm sorry, I can't do it.  We-we've 
			blown it already. I-you know, uh, I-I 
			can't go in in the middle.

					ANNIE 
			In the middle? 
				(Alvy nods his head yes and let's
				out an exasperated sigh) 
			We'll only miss the titles.  They're in 
			Swedish.

					ALVY 
			You wanna get coffee for two hours or 
			something?  We'll go next-

					ANNIE 
			Two hours?  No, u-uh, I'm going in.  
			I'm going in. 

She moves past the ticket clerk.

					ALVY 
				(Waving to Annie) 
			Go ahead.  Good-bye. 

Annie moves back to Alvy and takes his arm.


					ANNIE 
			Look, while we're talking we could be 
			inside, you know that?

					ALVY 
				(Watching people with tickets move 
				past them) 
			Hey, can we not stand here and argue in 
			front of everybody, 'cause I get embarrassed.

					ANNIE 
			Alright.  All right, all right, so whatta 
			you wanna do?

					ALVY 
			I don't know now.  You-you wanna go to 
			another movie? 
				(Annie nods her head and shrugs 
				her shoulders disgustedly as Alvy, 
				gesturing with his band, looks at 
				her) 
			So let's go see The Sorrow and the Pity.

					ANNIE 
			Oh, come on, we've seen it.  I'm not in 
			the mood to see a four-hour documentary 
			on Nazis.

					ALVY 
			Well, I'm sorry, I-I can't ... I-I-I've 
			gotta see a picture exactly from the start 
			to the finish, 'cause-'cause I'm anal.

					ANNIE
				(Laughing now) 
			H'h, that's a polite word for what you are.


INT. THEATER LOBBY.

A lined-up crowd of ticket holders waiting to get into the theater, Alvy and 
Annie among them.  A bum of indistinct chatter can be heard through the ensuing
scene.

					MAN IN LINE 
				(Loudly to his companion right 
				behind Alvy and Annie) 
			We saw the Fellini film last Tuesday.  
			It is not one of his best.  It lacks a 
			cohesive structure.  You know, you get 
			the feeling that he's not absolutely sure 
			what it is he wants to say.  'Course, I've 
			always felt he was essentially a-a technical 
			film maker.  Granted, La Strada was a great 
			film.  Great in its use of negative energy 
			more than anything else.  But that simple 
			cohesive core ... 

Alvy, reacting to the man's loud monologue, starts to get annoyed, while Annie 
begins to read her newspaper.

					ALVY 
				(Overlapping the man's speech) 
			I'm-I'm-I'm gonna have a stroke.

					ANNIE 
				(Reading) 
			Well, stop listening to him.

					MAN IN LINE 
				(Overlapping Alvy and Annie) 
			You know, it must need to have had its 
			leading from one thought to another.  
			You know what I'm talking about?

					ALVY 
				(Sighing) 
			He's screaming his opinions in my ear.

					MAN IN LINE 
			Like all that Juliet of the Spirits or 
			Satyricon, I found it incredibly ... 
			indulgent.  You know, he really is.  He's 
			one of the most indulgent film makers.  He 
			really is-

					ALVY 
				(Overlapping) 
			Key word here is "indulgent."

					MAN IN LINE 
				(Overlapping) 
			-without getting ... well, let's put it 
			this way ...

					ALVY 
				(To Annie, who is still reading, 
				overlapping the man in line who is 
				still talking) 
			What are you depressed about?

					ANNIE 
			I missed my therapy.  I overslept.

					ALVY  
			How can you possibly oversleep?

					ANNIE 
			The alarm clock.

					ALVY 
				(Gasping) 
			You know what a hostile gesture that is 
			to me?

					ANNIE 
			I know-because of our sexual problem, 
			right?


					ALVY 
			Hey, you ... everybody in line at the 
			New Yorker has to know our rate of 
			intercourse?

					MAN IN LINE
			- It's like Samuel Beckett, you know-
			I admire the technique but he doesn't ... 
			he doesn't hit me on a gut level.

					ALVY 
				(To Annie) 
			I'd like to hit this guy on a gut level.

The man in line continues his speech all the while Alvy and Annie talk.

					ANNIE 
			Stop it, Alvy!

					ALVY 
				(Wringing his hands) 
			Well, he's spitting on my neck!  You know, 
			he's spitting on my neck when he talks.

					MAN IN LINE 
			And then, the most important thing of all 
			is a comedian's vision.

					ANNIE 
			And you know something else?  You know, 
			you're so egocentric that if I miss my 
			therapy you can think of it in terms of 
			how it affects you!

					MAN IN LINE 
				(Lighting a cigarette while he talks) 
			Gal gun-shy is what it is.

					ALVY
				(Reacting again to the man in line) 
			Probably on their first date, right?

					MAN IN LINE 
				(Still going on) 
			It's a narrow view.

					ALVY
			Probably met by answering an ad in the 
			New York Review of Books.  "Thirtyish 
			academic wishes to meet woman who's 
			interested in Mozart, James Joyce and 
			sodomy." 
				(He sighs; then to Annie) 
			Whatta you mean, our sexual problem?

					ANNIE 
			Oh!



					ALVY  
			I-I-I mean, I'm comparatively normal 
			for a guy raised in Brooklyn.

					ANNIE 
			Okay, I'm very sorry.  My sexual problem!  
			Okay, my sexual problem!  Huh?

The man in front of them turns to look at them, then looks away.

					ALVY 
			I never read that.  That was-that was 
			Henry James, right?  Novel, uh, the 
			sequel to Turn of the Screw?  My Sexual ...

					MAN IN LINE 
				(Even louder now) 
			It's the influence of television.  Yeah, 
			now Marshall McLuhan deals with it in terms 
			of it being a-a high, uh, high intensity, 
			you understand?  A hot medium ... as opposed 
			to a ...

					ALVY 
				(More and more aggravated) 
			What I wouldn't give for a large sock o' 
			horse manure.

					MAN IN LINE	
			... as opposed to a print ...

Alvy steps forward, waving his hands in frustration, and stands facing the 
camera.

					ALVY 
				(Sighing and addressing the audience) 
			What do you do when you get stuck in a movie 
			line with a guy like this behind you?  I mean, 
			it's just maddening!

The man in line moves toward Alvy.  Both address the audience now.

					MAN IN LINE 
			Wait a minute, why can't I give my opinion?  
			It's a free country!

					ALVY 
			I mean, d- He can give you- Do you hafta 
			give it so loud?  I mean, aren't you ashamed 
			to pontificate like that?  And-and the funny 
			part of it is, M-Marshall McLuhan, you don't
			know anything about Marshall McLuhan's...work!

					MAN IN LINE 
				(Overlapping) 
			Wait a minute!  Really?  Really?  I happen to 
			teach a class at Columbia called "TV Media 
			and Culture"!  So I think that my insights 
			into Mr. McLuhan-well, have a great deal of 
			validity.

					ALVY 
			Oh, do yuh?

					MAN IN LINE 
			Yes.

					ALVY 
			Well, that's funny, because I happen to 
			have Mr. McLuhan right here.  So ... so, 
			here, just let me-I mean, all right.  Come 
			over here ... a second.

Alvy gestures to the camera which follows him and the man in line to the back 
of the crowded lobby.  He moves over to a large stand-up movie poster and 
pulls Marshall McLuban from behind the poster.

					MAN IN LINE 
			Oh.

					ALVY 
				(To McLuban) 
			Tell him.

					MCLUHAN 
				(To the man in line) 
			I hear-I heard what you were saying.  
			You-you know nothing of my work.  You 
			mean my whole fallacy is wrong.  How you 
			ever got to teach a course in anything is 
			totally amazing.

					ALVY 
				(To the camera) 
			Boy, if life were only like this!


INT. THEATER. A CLOSE-UP OF THE SCREEN SHOWING FACES OF GERMAN SOLDIERS.

Credits appear over the faces of the soldiers.

				  THE SORROW AND THE PITY
				  CINEMA 5 LTD., 1972
			  MARCEL OPHULS, ANDRE HARRIS, 1969
		Chronicle of a French town during the Occupation

					NARRATOR'S VOICE 
				(Over credits and soldiers) 
			June fourteenth, nineteen forty, the 
			German army occupies Paris.  All over 
			the country, people are desperate for 
			every available scrap of news.

									CUT TO:


INT. BEDROOM-NIGHT 

Annie is sitting up in bed reading.

					ALVY 
				(Off screen) 
			Boy, those guys in the French Resistance 
			were really brave, you know?  Got to listen 
			to Maurice Chevalier sing so much.

					ANNIE 
			M'm, I don't know, sometimes I ask myself 
			how I'd stand up under torture.

					ALVY 
				(Off screen) 
			You?  You kiddin'? 
				(He moves into the frame, lying across 
				the bed to touch, Annie, who makes a 
				face) 
			If the Gestapo would take away your 
			Bloomingdale's charge card, you'd tell 'em 
			everything.

					ANNIE 
			That movie makes me feel guilty.

					ALVY 
			Yeah, 'cause it's supposed to.

He starts kissing Annie's arm.  She gets annoyed and continues to read.

					ANNIE 
			Alvy, I ...

					ALVY 
			What-what-what-what's the matter?

					ANNIE 
			I-you know, I don't wanna.

					ALVY 
				(Overlapping Annie, reacting) 
			What-what-I don't ... It's not natural!  
			We're sleeping in a bed together.  You 
			know, it's been a long time.

					ANNIE 
			I know, well, it's just that-you know, I 
			mean, I-I-I-I gotta sing tomorrow night, 
			so I have to rest my voice.

					ALVY 
				(Overlapping Annie again) 
			It's always some kind of an excuse.  It's- 
			You know, you used to think that I was 
			very sexy.  What ... When we first started 
			going out, we had sex constantly ... We're-
			we're probably listed in the Guinness Book 
			of World Records.


					ANNIE 
				(Patting Alvy's band solicitously) 
			I know.  Well, Alvy, it'll pass, it'll 
			pass, it's just that I'm going through a 
			phase, that's all.

					ALVY 
			M'm.

					ANNIE 
			I mean, you've been married before, you 
			know how things can get.  You were very 
			hot for Allison at first.

									CUT TO:


INT. BACK STAGE OF AUDITORIUM - NIGHT.

Allison, clipboard in band, walks about the wings, stopping to talk to various 
people.  Musicians, performers and technicians mill about, busy with activity. 
Allison wears a large "ADLAI" button, as do the people around her.  The sounds 
of a comedian on the stage of the auditorium can be heard, occasionally, 
interrupted by chatter and applause from the off screen audience.  Allison 
stops to talk to two women; they, too, wear "ADLAI" buttons.

					ALLISON 
				(Looking down at the clipboard) 
			Ma'am, you're on right after this man ... 
			about twenty minutes, something like that.

					WOMAN 
			Oh, thank you.

Alvy moves into the frame behind Allison.  He taps her on the shoulder; she 
turns to face him.

					ALVY 
				(Coughing) 
			Excuse ... excuse me, when do I go on?

					ALLISON 
				(Looking down at the clipboard) 
			Who are you?

					ALVY
			Alvy ... Alvy Singer.  I'm a comedian.

					ALLISON 
			Oh, comedian.  Yes.  Oh, uh ... you're 
			on next.

					ALVY 
				(Rubbing his hands together 
				nervously) 
			What do you mean, next?

					ALLISON 
				(Laughing) 
			Uh ... I mean you're on right after 
			this act.

					ALVY 
				(Gesturing) 
			No, it can't be, because he's a comic.

					ALLISON 
			Yes.

					ALVY 
			So what are you telling me, you're 
			putting on two comics in a row?

					ALLISON 
			Why not?

					ALVY  
			No, I'm sorry, I'm not goin'- I can't 
			... I don't wanna go on after that comedian.

					ALLISON 
			It's okay.

					ALVY 
			No, because they're-they're laughing, so 
				(He starts laughing nervously) 
			I-I-I'd rather not.  If you don't mind, 
			I prefer-

					ALLISON 
				(Overlapping) 
			Will you relax, please?  They're gonna 
			love you, I know.

					ALVY 
				(Overlapping) 
			I prefer not to, because ... look, 
			they're laughing at him.  See, so what 
			are yuh telling me-

They move closer to the stage, looking out from the wings.

					ALLISON 
				(Overlapping) 
			Yes.

					ALVY 
(Overlapping) 
			-that I've got to ... ah ... ah ... 
			They're gonna laugh at him for a couple 
			minutes, then I gotta go out there, I 
			gotta ... get laughs, too.  How much can 
			they laugh? 
				(Off screen) 
			They-they they're laughed out.

					ALLISON 
				(Off screen) 
			Do you feel all right?

As Allison and Alvy look out at the stage, the camera cuts to their point of 
view: a comedian standing at a podium in front of huge waving pictures of Adlai
Stevenson.  The audience, laughing and clapping, sits at round tables in 
clusters around the room.

The camera moves back to Allison and Alvy watching the stage.  Alvy is swinging
his hands nervously.

					COMEDIAN 
				(Off screen, onstage) 
			You know ...

Alvy starts looking Allison up and down; people in the background mill about.

					ALVY 
				(Above the chatter around him) 
			Look, what's your-what's your name?

					COMEDIAN 
				(Off screen)  
			... General Eisenhower is not ...

					ALLISON 
				(Looking out at the stage) 
			Allison.

					ALVY   
			Yeah?  Allison what?

					ALLISON 
				(Still looking off screen) 
			Portchnik.

					COMEDIAN	
			... a group from the ...

					ALVY
				(Coughing) 
			Thank you. I-I don't know why they would 
			have me at this kind of rally 'cause ... 
				(He clears his throat) 
			Excuse me, I'm not essentially a political 
			comedian at all.

The audience starts to laugh.

					ALVY 
			I ... interestingly had, uh, dated ... 
			a woman in the Eisenhower Administration 
			... briefly ... and, uh, it was ironic to 
			me 'cause, uh . . . tsch . . . 'cause I 
			was trying to, u-u-uh, do to her what 
			Eisenhower has been doing to the country 
			for the last eight years. 

The audience is with him, laughing, as Allison continues to watch offstage.


INT. APARTMENT BEDROOM.

Allison and, Alvy are on the bed, kissing.  There are books all over the room; 
a fireplace, unlit, along one of the walls. Alvy suddenly breaks away and sits 
on the edge of the bed. Allison looks at him.

					ALVY  
			H'm, I'm sorry, I can't go through with 
			this, because it-I can't get it off my 
			mind, Allison ... it's obsessing me!

					ALLISON 
			Well, I'm getting tired of it.  I need 
			your attention.

Alvy gets up from the bed and starts walking restlessly around the room, 
gesturing with his hands.

					ALVY 
			It-but it-it ... doesn't make any sense.  
			He drove past the book depository and the 
			police said conclusively that it was an 
			exit wound.  So-how is it possible for 
			Oswald to have fired from two angles at 
			once?  It doesn't make sense.

					ALLISON 
			Alvy.

Alvy, stopping for a moment at the fireplace mantel, sighs.  He then snaps his 
fingers and starts walking again.

					ALVY 
			I'll tell you this!  He was not marksman 
			enough to hit a moving target at that 
			range.  But ... 
				(Clears his throat) 
			if there was a second assassin ... it- 
			That's it!

Alvy stops at the music stand with open sheet music on it as Allison gets up 
from the bed and retrieves a pack of cigarettes from a bookshelf.

					ALLISON 
			We've been through this.

					ALVY 
			If they-they recovered the shells from 
			that rifle.

					ALLISON 
				(Moving back to the bed and 
				lighting a cigarette) 
			Okay.  All right, so whatta yuh saying, 
			now?  That e-e-everybody o-o-on the Warren 
			Commission is in on this conspiracy, right?


					ALVY 
			Well, why not?

					ALLISON 
			Yeah, Earl Warren?

					ALVY 
				(Moving toward the bed) 
			Hey ... honey, I don't know Earl Warren.

					ALLISON 
			Lyndon Johnson?

					ALVY 
				(Propping one knee on the bed 
				and gesturing) 
			L-L-Lyndon Johns Lyndon Johnson is a 
			politician.  You know the ethics those 
			guys have?  It's like-uh, a notch 
			underneath child molester.

					ALLISON 
			Then everybody's in in the conspiracy?

					ALVY 
				(Nodding his head) 
			Tsch.

					ALLISON 
			The FBI, and the CIA, and J. Edgar 
			Hoover and oil companies and the 
			Pentagon and the men's-room attendant 
			at the White House?

Alvy touches Allison's shoulder, then gets up from the bed and starts walking 
again.

					ALVY 
			I-I-I-I would leave out the men's-room 
			attendant.

					ALLISON 
			You're using this conspiracy theory as 
			an excuse to avoid sex with me.

					ALVY 
			Oh, my God! 
				(Then, to the camera) 
			She's right!  Why did I turn off Allison 
			Portchnik?  She was-she was beautiful.  She 
			was willing.  She was real ... intelligent. 
				(Sighing) 
			Is it the old Groucho Marx joke?  That-that 
			I-I just don't wanna belong to any club that 
			would have someone like me for a member?


EXT. BEACH HOUSE - DAY

Alvy's and Annie's voices are heard over the wind-browned exterior of a beach 
house in the Hamptons. As they continue to talk, the camera moves inside the 
house. Alvy is picking up chairs, trying to get at the group of lobsters 
crawling on the floor.  Dishes are stacked up in a drying rack, and bags of 
groceries sit on the counter.  There's a table and chairs near the refrigerator. 

					ANNIE 
			Alvy, now don't panic.  Please.

					ALVY 
			Look, I told you it was a ... mistake 
			to ever bring a live thing in the house.

					ANNIE
			Stop it!  Don't ... don't do that!  There.
 
The lobsters continue to crawl on the floor.  Annie, bolding out a wooden 
paddle, tries to shove them onto it.

					ALVY 
			Well, maybe we should just call the police.  
			Dial nine-one-one, it's the lobster squad.

					ANNIE 
			Come on, Alvy, they're only baby ones, for 
			God's sake. 

					ALVY 
			If they're only babies, then you pick 
			'em up.

					ANNIE 
			Oh, all right.  All right!  It's all 
			right.  Here.

She drops the paddle and picks up one of the lobsters by the tail.  Laughing, 
she shoves it at Alvy who jerks backward, squeamishly.

					ALVY 
			Don't give it to me.  Don't!

					ANNIE 
				(Hysterically) 
			Oooh!  Here!  Here!

					ALVY 
				(Pointing) 
			Look!  Look, one crawled behind the 
			refrigerator.  It'll turn up in our bed 
			at night. 
				(They move over to the refrigerator; 
				Alvy moves as close to the wall as 
				possible as Annie, covering her mouth 
				and laughing hysterically, teasingly 
				dangles a lobster in front of him) 
			Will you get outta here with that thing?  
			Jesus!


					ANNIE 
				(Laughing, to the lobster) 
			Get him!

					ALVY 
				(Laughing) 
			Talk to him.  You speak shellfish! 
				(He moves over to the stove and 
				takes the lid of a large steamer 
				filled with boiling water) 
			Hey, look ... put it in the pot.

					ANNIE 
				(Laughing) 
			I can't!  I can't put him in the pot.  I 
			can't put a live thing in hot water.

					ALVY 
				(Overlapping) 
			Gimme!  Gimme!  Let me do it!  What-what's 
			he think we're gonna do, take him to the 
			movies?

Annie hands the lobster to Alvy as he takes it very carefully and drops it 
gingerly into the pot and puts the cover back on.

					ANNIE 
				(Overlapping Alvy and making sounds) 
			Oh, God!  Here yuh go!  Oh, good, now 
			he'll think- 
				(She screams) 
			Aaaah!  Okay.

					ALVY 
				(Overlapping Annie) 
			Okay, it's in.  It's definitely in the pot!

					ANNIE 
			All right.  All right.  All right.

She moves hurriedly across the kitchen and picks up another lobster.  Smiling, 
she places it on the counter as Alvy stands beside the refrigerator trying to 
push it from the wall.

					ALVY 
			Annie, there's a big lobster behind 
			the refrigerator.  I can't get it out.  
			This thing's heavy.  Maybe if I put a 
			little dish of butter sauce here with a 
			nutcracker, it will run out the other 
			side, you know what I mean?

					ANNIE 
				(Overlapping) 
			Yeah.  I'm gonna get my ... I'm gonna 
			get my camera.

					ALVY 
			You know, I-I think ... if I could pry 
			this door off ... We shoulda gotten steaks 
			'cause they don't have legs.  They don't 
			run around.

Annie rushes out of the room to get her camera as Alvy picks up the paddle. 
Trying to get at the lobsters, he ends up knocking over dishes and hitting the 
chandelier.  Holding the paddle, he finally leans back against the sink.  
Annie, standing in the doorway, starts taking pictures of him.

					ANNIE 
			Great!  Great! 
				(Screaming) 
			Goddammit! 
				(Screaming) 
			Ooooh!  These are ... p-p-p-pick this 
			lobster up.  Hold it, please!

					ALVY 
			All right!  All right!  All right!  All 
			right!  Whatta yuh mean?  Are yuh gonna 
			take pictures now?

					ANNIE 
			It'll make great- Alvy, be- Alvy, it'll 
			be wonderful ... Ooooh, lovely!

					ALVY 
				(Picking up the lobster Annie 
				placed on the counter earlier) 
			All right, here!  Oh, God, it's disgusting!

Alvy drops the lobster back down on the counter, sticking out his tongue and 
making a face.

					ANNIE 
			Don't be a jerk.  One more, Alvy, please, 
			one more picture. 
				(Reluctantly Alvy picks up the 
				lobster again as Annie takes 
				another picture) 
			Oh, oh, good, good!


EXT. OCEAN FRONT-DUSK.

The camera pans Annie and Alvy as they walk along the shore.

					ALVY 
			So, so-well, here's what I wanna know.  
			W-what ... 
				(He clears his throat) 
			Am I your first big romance?

					ANNIE 
			Oh ... no, no, no, no, uh, uh.  No.

					ALVY 
			Well, then, w-who was?


					ANNIE 
			Oh, well, let's see, there was Dennis, 
			from Chippewa Falls High School. 

CUT TO:


FLASHBACK OF DENNIS LEANING AGAINST A CAR - NIGHT

Behind him is a movie theater with "MARILYN MONROE, 'MISFITS' " on the marquee.
He looks at his watch as the younger Annie, in a beehive hairdo, moves into the
frame.  They kiss quickly and look at each other, smiling.

					ALVY'S VOICE 
				(Off screen) 
			Dennis-right, uh, uh ... local kid 
			probably, would meetcha in front of the 
			movie house on Saturday night.

					ANNIE'S VOICE 
			Oh, God, you should've seen what I looked 
			like then.

					ALVY'S VOICE 
				(Off screen, laughing) 
			Oh, I can imagine.  P-p-probably the 
			wife of an astronaut.

					ANNIE'S VOICE 
			Then there was Jerry, the actor.

									CUT TO:


FLASHBACK OF BRICK-WALLED APARTMENT - NIGHT

The younger, Annie and Jerry lean against the wall. Jerry is running his band 
down Annie's bare arm. Annie and Alvy walk into the room, observing the younger
Annie, in jeans and T-shirt, with Jerry.

					ALVY'S VOICE 
				(Laughing) 
			Look at you, you-you,-re such a clown.

					ANNIE'S VOICE 
			I look pretty.

					ALVY'S VOICE 
			Well, yeah, you always look pretty, but 
			that guy with you ...

					JERRY 
			Acting is like an exploration of the soul. 
			I-it's very religious.  Uh, like, uh, a 
			kind of liberating consciousness.  It's 
			like a visual poem.

					ALVY 
				(Laughing) 
			Is he kidding with that crap?

					YOUNGER ANNIE
				(Laughing) 
			Oh, right.  Right, yeah, I think I 
			know exactly what you mean, when you 
			say "religious."

					ALVY 
				(Incredulous, to Annie) 
			You do?

					ANNIE 
				(Still watching) 
			Oh, come on-I mean, I was still younger.

					ALVY 
			Hey, that was last year.

					JERRY 
			It's like when I think of dying.  You 
			know how I would like to die?

					YOUNGER ANNIE 
			No, how?

					JERRY 
			I'd like to get torn apart by wild animals.

					ALVY'S VOICE 
			Heavy!  Eaten by some squirrels.

					ANNIE'S VOICE 
			Hey, listen-I mean, he was a terrific actor, 
			and look at him, he's neat-looking and he 
			was emotional ... Y-hey, I don't think you 
			like emotion too much.

Jerry stops rubbing the younger Annie's arm and slides down to the floor as 
she raises her foot toward his chest.

					JERRY 
			Touch my heart ... with your foot. 

					ALVY'S VOICE 
			I-I may throw up!

									CUT BACK TO:


EXTERIOR.  BEACH-DUSK

It's now sunset, the water reflecting the last light.  The camera moves over 
the scene.  The off screen voices of Alvy and Annie are heard as they walk, the
camera always one step ahead of them.

					ANNIE 
			He was creepy.


					ALVY 
			Yeah, I-I think you're pretty lucky I 
			came along. 

					ANNIE 
				(Laughing) 
			Oh, really?  Well, la-de-da!

					ALVY 
			La-de-da.  If I-if anyone had ever told 
			me that I would be taking out a girl who 
			used expressions like "la-de-da" . . .

					ANNIE 
			Oh, that's right.  That you really like 
			those New York girls. 

					ALVY 
			Well, no ... not just, not only.

					ANNIE 
			Oh, I'd say so.  You married-

									CUT TO:


INT. NEW YORK CITY APARTMENT-NIGHT

A cocktail party is in progress, the rooms crowded with guests as Alvy and 
Robin make their way through the people.  A waiter, carrying a tray, walks 
past them.  Alvy reaches out to pick up a glass; Robin reaches over and picks 
it of the tray first.  There is much low-key chatter in the background.

					ANNIE 
				(Off screen) 
			-two of them.

					ROBIN 
			There's Henry Drucker.  He has a chair 
			in history at Princeton.  Oh, the short 
			man is Hershel Kaminsky.  He has a chair 
			in philosophy at Cornell.

					ALVY 
			Yeah, two more chairs and they got a 
			dining-room set.

					ROBIN 
			Why are you so hostile?

					ALVY 
				(Sighing) 
			'Cause I wanna watch the Knicks on 
			television.

					ROBIN 
				(Squinting) 
			Is that Paul Goodman?  No. And be nice 
			to the host because he's publishing my 
			book.  Hi, Doug!  Douglas Wyatt.  
			"A Foul-Rag-and-Bone Shop-of-the-Heart."

They move through the rooms, Robin holding a drink in one hand, her arm draped 
in Alvy's; the crowd mills around them.

					ALVY 
				(Taking Robin's hand) 
			I'm so tired of spending evenings making 
			fake insights with people who work for 
			Dysentery.

					ROBIN 
			Commentary.

					ALVY 
			Oh, really, I heard that Commentary and 
			Dissent had merged and formed Dysentery.

					ROBIN 
			No jokes-these are friends, okay?


INT. BEDROOM

Alvy sits on the foot of the bed watching the Knicks game on television.

					TV ANNOUNCER 
				(Off screen) 
			Cleveland Cavaliers losing to the New 
			York Knicks.

Robin enters the room, slamming the door.

					ROBIN 
			Here you are.  There's people out there.

					ALVY 
			Hey, you wouldn't believe this.  Two 
			minutes ago, the Knicks are ahead fourteen 
			points, and now ... 
				(Clears his throat) 
			they're ahead two points.

					ROBIN 
			Alvy, what is so fascinating about a group 
			of pituitary cases trying to stuff the 
			ball through a hoop?

					ALVY 
				(Looking at Robin) 
			What's fascinating is that it's physical.  
			You know, it's one thing about intellectuals, 
			they prove that you can be absolutely brilliant 
			and have no idea what's going on.  But on the 
			other hand ... 
				(Clears his throat) 
			the body doesn't lie, as-as we now know.

Alvy reaches over, pulls Robin down onto the bed.  He kisses her and moves 
farther up on the bed.

					ROBIN 
			Stop acting out.

She sits on the edge of the bed, looking down at the sprawled-out Alvy.

					ALVY 
			No, it'll be great!  It'll be great, 
			be-because all those Ph.D.'s are in 
			there, you know, like ... discussing 
			models of alienation and we'll be in 
			here quietly humping.

He pulls Robin toward him, caressing her as she pulls herself away.

					ROBIN 
			Alvy, don't!  You're using sex to 
			express hostility.

					ALVY 
			"'Why-why do you always r-reduce my 
			animal urges to psychoanalytic categories?' 
				(Clears his throat) 
			he said as he removed her brassiere..."

					ROBIN 
				(Pulling away again) 
			There are people out there from The New 
			Yorker magazine.  My God!  What would they 
			think?

She gets up and fixes the zipper on her dress.  She turns and moves toward the 
door.


INT. APARTMENT-NIGHT

Robin and Alvy are in bed.  The room is in darkness.  Outside, a siren starts 
blaring.

					ROBIN 
			Oh, I'm sorry!

					ALVY 
			Don't get upset!

					ROBIN 
			Dammit!  I was so close.

She flips on the overhead lamp and turns on her side.  Alvy turns to her.

					ALVY 
				(Gesturing) 
			Jesus, last night it was some guy honking 
			his car horn.  I mean, the city can't 
			close down.  You know, what-whatta yuh 
			gonna do, h-have 'em shut down the 
			airport, too?  No more flights so we can 
			have sex?

					ROBIN 
				(Reaching over for her eyeglasses 
				on the night table) 
			I'm too tense.  I need a Valium.  My 
			analyst says I should live in the country 
			and not in New York.

					ALVY 
			Well, I can't li- We can't have this 
			discussion all the time.  The country 
			makes me nervous.  There's ... You got 
			crickets and it-it's quiet ... there's 
			no place to walk after dinner, and... uh, 
			there's the screens with the dead moths 
			behind them, and... uh, yuh got the-the 
			Manson family possibly, yuh got Dick and 
			Terry-

					ROBIN 
				(Interrupting) 
			Okay, okay, my analyst just thinks I'm 
			too tense.  Where's the goddamn Valium?

She fumbles about the floor for the Valium, then back on the bed.

					ALVY 
			Hey, come on, it's quiet now.  We can-we 
			can start again.

					ROBIN 
			I can't.

					ALVY
			What-

					ROBIN
			My head is throbbing.

					ALVY
			Oh, you got a headache!

					ROBIN
			I have a headache.

					ALVY
			Bad?

					ROBIN
			Oswald and ghosts.

					ALVY
			Jesus!

He begins to get out of bed.

					ROBIN 
			Where are you going?

					ALVY 
			Well, I'm-I'm gonna take another in a 
			series of cold showers.


EXT. MEN'S LOCKER ROOM OF THE TENNIS CLUB.

Rob and Alvy, carrying tennis rackets, come through the door of the locker 
room to the lobby.  They are dressed in tennis whites.  They walk toward the 
indoor court.

					ROB
			 Max, my serve is gonna send yuh to 
			the showers-

					ALVY
			Right, right, so g-get back to what we 
			were discussing, the failure of the 
			country to get behind New York City is-is 
			anti-Semitism.

					ROB 
			Max, the city is terribly worried.

					ALVY 
			But the- I'm not discussing politics or 
			economics.  This is foreskin.

					ROB 
			No, no, no, Max, that's a very convenient 
			out.  Every time some group disagrees with 
			you it's because of anti-Semitism.

					ALVY 
			Don't you see?  The rest of the country looks 
			upon New York like we're-we're left-wing 
			Communist, Jewish, homosexual, pornographers.  
			I think of us that way, sometimes, and I-I 
			live here.

					ROB 
			Max, if we lived in California, we could 
			play outdoors every day, in the sun.

					ALVY 
			Sun is bad for yuh.  Everything our parents 
			said was good is bad.  Sun, milk, red meat, 
			college ...


INT. TENNIS COURT

Annie and Janet, in tennis whites, stand on the court holding tennis rackets 
and balls.  They are chattering and giggling.

					ANNIE 
				(Laughing) 
			I know, but ooh- here he comes.  Okay. 

Rob and Alvy enter the court and walk over to the two women.  Rob kisses Janet 
and makes introduction.

					ROB 
			You know Alvy?

					JANET 
			Oh, hi, Alvy.

					ANNIE 
				(To Rob) 
			How are yuh?

					ROB 
				(To Alvy) 
			You know Annie?

					JANET 
			I'm sorry.  This is Annie Hall.

					ALVY 
			Hi.

					ANNIE 
			Hi.

Annie and Alvy shake hands.

					JANET 
				(Laughing) 
			Alvy.

					ROB 
				(Eager to begin) 
			Who's playing who here?  Alvy Well, uh ... 
			you and me against them?

					ANNIE 
				(Overlapping Alvy) 
			Well ... so ... I can't play too good, 
			you know.

					JANET 
				(Laughing) 
			I've had four lessons!

The group, laughing and chatting, divide up-Rob and Annie moving to the other 
side of the net, Alvy and Janet standing where they are.  They start to play 
mixed doubles, each taking turns and playing well. At one point in the game, 
Annie starts to talk to Rob, then turns and sees a ball heading toward her.

					ALVY  
				(Hitting the halt back) 
			Holy gods!


INT. LOBBY

Alvy, dressed, puts things into a gym bag.  One knee is on the bench and his 
back is turned from the entrance. Annie walks toward the entrance door dressed 
in street clothes and carrying her tennis bag over her shoulder.  Seeing Alvy,
she stops and turns.

					ANNIE 
			Hi.  Hi, hi.

					ALVY 
				(Looking over his shoulder) 
			Hi.  Oh, hi.  Hi.

					ANNIE 
				(Hands clasped in front of her, 
				smiling) 
			Well, bye. She laughs and backs up slowly 
			toward the door.

					ALVY 
				(Clearing his throat) 
			You-you play ... very well.

					ANNIE 
			Oh, yeah?  So do you.  Oh, God, whatta-
				(Making sounds and laughing) 
			whatta dumb thing to say, right?  I mean, 
			you say it, "You play well," and right 
			away ... I have to say well.  Oh, oh ... 
			God, Annie. 
				(She gestures with her hand) 
			Well ... oh, well ... la-de-da, la-de-da, 
			la-la.

She turns around and moves toward the door.

					ALVY 
				(Still looking over his shoulder) 
			Uh ... you-you wanna lift?

					ANNIE 
				(Turning and aiming her thumb over 
				her shoulder) 
			Oh, why-uh ... y-y-you gotta car?

					ALVY 
			No, um ... I was gonna take a cab.

					ANNIE 
				(Laughing) 
			Oh, no, I have a car.

					ALVY 
			You have a car? 
				(Annie smiles, hands folded in 
				front of her) 
			So ... 
				(Clears his throat) 
			I don't understand why ... if you have a 
			car, so then-then wh-why did you say "Do 
			you have a car?"... like you wanted a lift?

					ANNIE 
			I don't ... 
				(Laughing) 
			I don't ... Geez, I don't know, I've ... 
			I wa- This ... yeah, I got this VW out 
			there ... 
				(Laughing and gesturing toward 
				the door) 
			What a jerk, yeah.  Would you like a lift?

					ALVY 
				(Zipping up his bag) 
			Sure.  W-w-w-which way yuh goin'?

					ANNIE 
			Me?  Oh, downtown!

					ALVY 
			Down- I'm-I'm goin' uptown.

					ANNIE 
				(Laughing) 
			Oh, well, I'm goin' uptown, too.

					ALVY 
			Uh, well, you just said you were going 
			downtown.

					ANNIE 
			Yeah, well, I'm, but I ...

Alvy picks up his bag and moves toward the door. As he turns his bag around, 
the handle of the tennis racket bits Annie between the legs.

					ALVY 
				(Laughing) 
			So sorry.

					ANNIE 
				(Laughing) 
			I mean, I can go uptown, too.  I live 
			uptown, but ... uh, what the hell, I mean, 
			it'd be nice having company, you know 
			I mean, I hate driving alone.

					ALVY 
				(Making sounds) 
			Yeah.

They walk out the door.


EXT. NEW YORK STREET- DAY

Alvy and Annie in the VW as Annie speeds down a city street near the East River.

					ALVY 
			So, how long do you know Janet?  Where 
			do you know her from?

					ANNIE 
				(Laughing) 
			Oh, I'm in her acting class.

					ALVY 
			Oh - you're an actress.

					ANNIE 
			Well, I do commercials, sort of ...

She zooms down the wrong lane, cars swerving out of her way.  A horn blows.

					ALVY 
			I, uh ... well, you're not from New 
			York, right?

					ANNIE 
			No, Chippewa Falls.

					ALVY 
			Right! 
				(A pause) 
			Where?

					ANNIE 
			Wisconsin.

					ALVY 
				(Finally reacting) 
			Uh, you're driving a-

					ANNIE 
			Uh, don't worry, I'm a very- 
				(A car moves closer to the VW, 
				almost on top of it in the wrong 
				direction.  Annie swerves away at 
				the very last minute)
			-a very good driver. 
				(Alvy rubs his head nervously, 
				staring out the window as Annie 
				speeds along) 
			So, listen-hey, you want some gum, anyway?

Annie looks down beside her, searching for the gum.

					ALVY
			No, no thanks.  Hey, don't-

					ANNIE
			Well, where is it?  I-

					ALVY 
			No, no, no, no, you just ... just watch 
			the road.  I'll get it-

					ANNIE 
			Okay.

They both fumble around in her pocketbook.  Alvy looks up to see the entire 
front of a truck in Annie's windshield.  She swerves just in time.

					ALVY 
			-for yuh.

					ANNIE 
			Okay, that's good.

Alvy continues to look for the gum while Annie zooms down the city streets.

					ANNIE 
			All right.

					ALVY 
			I'll getcha a piece.

					ANNIE	
			Yeah ... so, listen-you drive?

					ALVY
			Do I drive?  Uh, no, I gotta-I gotta 
			problem with driving.

					ANNIE	
			Oh, you do?

					ALVY	
			Yeah.  I got, uh, I got a license but I 
			have too much hostility.

					ANNIE	
			Oh, right.

					ALVY	
			Nice car.

					ANNIE 
				(A bit rapidly)   
			Huh?

					ALVY 
			You keep it nice. 
				(He pulls a half-eaten sandwich 
				out of her bag) 
			Can I ask you, is this-is this a sandwich?

					ANNIE 
			Huh?  Oh, yeah.


EXT. STREET-DAY

Cars are parked on both sides of the street as the VW rounds the corner.

					ANNIE 
			I live over here.  Oh, my God!  Look!  
			There's a parking space!  

With brakes squealing, Annie turns the VW sharply into the parking spot.  
Annie and Alvy get out, Alvy looking over his shoulder as he leaves the car.

					ALVY   
			That's okay, you ... we-we can walk to 
			the curb from here.

					ANNIE 
			Don't be funny.

					ALVY   
			You want your tennis stuff?

					ANNIE 
			Huh?  Oh ... yeah.

					ALVY   
			You want your gear?  Here you go.

Alvy reaches into the back of the car and takes out tennis equipment.  He 
hands her her things.  People pass by on the street.

					ANNIE 
				(Laughing) 
			Yeah, thanks.  Thanks a lot.  Well...

					ALVY 
				(Sighing) 
			Well, thanks, thank you.  You-you're 
			a wonderful tennis player.

					ANNIE 
				(Laughing) 
			Oh.

Alvy shakes hands with Annie.

					ALVY 
			You're the worst driver I've ever seen 
			in my life . . . that's including any place 
			... the worst ... Europe, United ... any 
			place ... Asia.

					ANNIE 
				(Laughing) 
			Yeah.

					ALVY 
			And I love what you're wearin'.

Alvy touches the tie Annie is wearing around her neck.

					ANNIE 
			Oh, you do?  Yeah?  Oh, well, it's uh 
			... this is, uh ... this tie is a present, 
			from Grammy Hall.

Annie flips the bottom of the tie.

					ALVY  
			Who?  Grammy?  Grammy Hall?

					ANNIE 
				(Laughing and nodding her head) 
			Yeah, my grammy.

					ALVY 
			You're jo- Whatta yuh kid- What did you 
			do, grow up in a Norman Rockwell painting?

					ANNIE 
				(Laughing) 
			Yeah, I know.

					ALVY 
			Your grammy!

					ANNIE 
			I know, it's pretty silly, isn't it?

					ALVY 
			Jesus, my-my grammy ... n-never gave 
			gifts, you know.  She-she was	too busy 
			getting raped by Cossacks.

					ANNIE
				(Laughing) 
			Well ...

					ALVY	
			Well ... thank you again.

					ANNIE	
			Oh, yeah, yeah.

					ALVY	
			I'll see yuh.

					ANNIE	
				(Overlapping, gesturing) 
			Hey, well, listen ... hey, you wanna
			come upstairs and, uh ... and have a 
			glass of wine and something?  Aw, no, 
			I mean ... I mean, you don't have to, 
			you're probably late and everything else ...

					ALVY 
			No, no, that'll be fine. I don't mind. Sure. 

					ANNIE 
			You sure?

					ALVY 
				(Overlapping) 
			No, I got time. 


					ANNIE 
			Okay.

					ALVY 
			Sure, I got ... I got nothing, uh, 
			nothing till my analyst's appointment.

They move toward Annie's apartment building.

					ANNIE 
			Oh, you see an analyst?

					ALVY 
			Y-y-yeah, just for fifteen years. 

					ANNIE 
			Fifteen years?

					ALVY 
			Yeah, uh, I'm gonna give him one more 
			year and then I'm goin' to Lourdes.

					ANNIE 
			Fifteen-aw, come on, you're . . . yeah, 
			really?


INT. ANNIE'S APARTMENT

Alvy, standing, looks around the apartment.  There are lots of books, framed 
photographs on the white wall.  A terrace can be seen from the window.  He 
picks up a copy of Ariet, by Sylvia Platb, as Annie comes out of the kitchen 
carrying two glasses.  She hands them to Alvy.

					ALVY 
			Sylvia Plath.

					ANNIE 
			M'hm...

					ALVY
			Interesting poetess whose tragic suicide 
			was misinterpreted as romantic, by the 
			college-girl mentality.

					ANNIE 
			Oh, yeah.

					ALVY 
			Oh, sorry.

					ANNIE 
			Right.  Well, I don't know, I mean, uh, 
			some of her poems seem - neat, you know.

					ALVY
			Neat?

					ANNIE 
			Neat, yeah.

					ALVY 
			Uh, I hate to tell yuh, this is nineteen 
			seventy-five, you know that "neat" went 
			out, I would say, at the turn of the 
			century. 
				(Annie laughs) 
			Who-who are-who are those photos on 
			the wall?

					ANNIE 
				(Moving over to the photographs) 
			Oh ... oh, well, you see now now, uh, 
			that's my dad, that's Father-and that's 
			my ... brother, Duane.

					ALVY 
			Duane?

					ANNIE
				(Pointing) 
			Yeah, right, Duane-and over there is 
			Grammy Hall, and that's Sadie.

					ALVY   
			Well, who's Sadie?

					ANNIE  
			Sadie?  Oh, well, Sadie... 
				(Laughing) 
			Sadie met Grammy through, uh, through 
			Grammy's brother George.  Uh, George was 
			real sweet, you know, he had that thing.  
			What is that thing where you, uh, where 
			you, uh, fall asleep in the middle of a 
			sentence, you know-what is it?  Uh ...

					ALVY 
			Uh, narcolepsy.

					ANNIE
			Narcolepsy, right, right.  Right.  So, 
			anyway, so ... 
				(Laughing) 
			George, uh, went to the union, see, to 
			get his free turkey, be-because, uh, the 
			union always gave George this big turkey 
			at Christmas time because he was ... 
				(Annie points her fingers to each 
				side of her head, indicating George 
				was a little crazy) 
			shell-shocked, you know what I mean, in the 
			First World War. 
				(Laughing hysterically, she opens 
				a cabinet door and takes out a 
				bottle of wine) 
			Anyway, so, so ... 
				(Laughing through the speech) 
			George is standing in line, oh, just a sec 
			...uh, getting his free turkey, but the 
			thing is, he falls asleep and he never 
			wakes up. So, so...
				(Laughing) 
			so, he's dead ... 
				(Laughing) 
			he's dead.  Yeah.  Oh, dear.  Well, 
			terrible, huh, wouldn't you say?  I 
			mean, that's pretty unfortunate.

Annie unscrews the bottle of wine, silent now after her speech.

					ALVY 
			Yeah, it's a great story, though, I 
			mean, I... I ... it really made my day.  
			Hey, I think I should get outta here, 
			you know, 'cause I think I'm imposing, 
			you know ...

					ANNIE 
				(Laughing) 
			Oh, really?  Oh, well ... uh, uh, maybe, 
			uh, maybe, we, uh ...

					ALVY 
			... and ... uh, yeah, uh ... uh, you 
			know, I-I-I... 

They move outside to the terrace, Alvy still holding the glasses, Annie the 
wine.  They stand in front of the railing, Annie pouring the wine into the 
held-out glasses.

					ANNIE 
			Well, I mean, you don't have to, you know.

					ALVY
			No, I know, but ... but, you know, I'm 
			all perspired and everything.

					ANNIE 
			Well, didn't you take, uh ... uh, a 
			shower at the club?

					ALVY
			Me?  No, no, no, 'cause I never shower 
			in a public place.

					ANNIE 
				(Laughing) 
			Why not?

					ALVY 
			'Cause I don't like to get naked in front 
			of another man, you know-it's, uh ...

					ANNIE 
				(Laughing) 
			Oh, I see, I see.

					ALVY 
			You know, I don't like to show my body 
			to a man of my gender-

					ANNIE 
			Yeah.  Oh, yeah.  Yeah, I see.  I guess-

					ALVY	
			-'cause, uh, you never know what's 
			gonna happen.

					ANNIE	
				(Sipping her wine and laughing) 
			Fifteen years, huh?

					ALVY
			Fifteen years, yeah.

					ANNIE	
			Yeah.  Oh, God bless!

They	put their glasses together in a toast.

					ALVY
			God bless.

					ANNIE 
				(Laughing) 
			Well, uh ... 
				(Pausing) 
			You're what Grammy Hall would call a 
			real Jew.

					ALVY  
				(Clearing his throat) 
			Oh, thank you.

					ANNIE
				(Smiling) 
			Yeah, well ... you-She hates Jews.  She 
			thinks that they just make money, but let 
			me tell yuh, I mean, she's the one yeah, 
			is she ever.  I'm tellin' yuh.

					ALVY 
				(pointing toward the apartment 
				after a short pause) 
			So, did you do shoot the photographs 
			in there or what?

					ANNIE
				(Nodding, her hand on her hip) 
			Yeah, yeah, I sorta dabble around, you know.

Annie's thoughts pop on the screen as she talks: I dabble?  Listen to me-what 
a jerk!

					ALVY 
			They're ... they're... they're wonderful, 
			you know.  They have ... they have, uh 
			... a ... a quality.
		
As do Alvy's: You are a great-looking girl

					ANNIE
			Well, I-I-I would-I would like to take 
			a serious photography course soon.

Again, Annie's thoughts pop on: He probably thinks I'm a yo-yo

					ALVY 
			Photography's interesting, 'cause, you 
			know, it's-it's a new art form, and a, 
			uh, a set of aesthetic criteria have 
			not emerged yet.

And Alvy's: I wonder what she looks like naked?

					ANNIE 
			Aesthetic criteria?  You mean, whether 
			it's, uh, good photo or not?

I'm not smart enough for him.  Hang in there

					ALVY 
			The-the medium enters in as a condition 
			of the art form itself.  That's-

I don't know what I'm saying-she senses I'm shallow

					ANNIE 
			Well, well, I ... to me-I ... I mean, 
			it's-it's-it's all instinctive, you 
			know.  I mean, I just try to uh, feel 
			it, you know?  I try to get a sense of 
			it and not think about it so much.

God, I hope he doesn't turn out to be a shmuck like the others

					ALVY 
			Still, still we- You need a set of 
			aesthetic guide lines to put it in 
			social perspective, I think.

Christ, I sound like FM radio.  Relax

They're quiet for a moment, holding wine glasses and sipping.  The sounds of 
distant traffic from the street can be heard on the terrace.  Annie, laughing, 
speaks first.

					ANNIE 
			Well, I don't know.  I mean, I guess-I 
			guess you must be sorta late, huh?

					ALVY 
			You know, I gotta get there and begin 
			whining soon ... otherwise I- Hey ... 
			well, are you busy Friday night?

					ANNIE 
			Me?  Oh, uh.	    
				(Laughing) 
			No.

					ALVY 
				(Putting his band on his forehead) 
			Oh, I'm sorry, wait a minute, I have 
			something.  Well, what about Saturday 
			night?

					ANNIE 
				(Nodding) 
			Oh ... nothing.  Not-no, no!

					ALVY 
			Oh, you ... you're very popular, I can see.

					ANNIE 
				(Laughing) 
			I know.

					ALVY 
			Gee, boy, what do you have?  You have 
			plague?

					ANNIE	
			Well, I mean, I meet a lot of ... jerks, 
			you know-

					ALVY
			Yeah, I meet a lotta jerks, too.

					ANNIE	
				(Overlapping) 
			-what I mean?

					ALVY	
			I think that's, uh-

					ANNIE
				(Interrupting) 
			But I'm thinking about getting some 
			cats, you know, and then they ... Oh, 
			wait a second-oh, no, no, I mean 
				(Laughing) 
			oh, shoot!  No, Saturday night I'm 
			gonna-
				(Laughing) 
			gonna sing.  Yeah.

					ALVY
			You're gonna sing?  Do you sing?  Well, 
			no, it isn't
				(Overlapping) 
			No kidding? 
				(Overlapping) 
			-this is my first time.  Oh, really?  Where?  
			I'd like to come. 
				(Laughing) 
			Oh, no, no, no, no, no!  No, I'm interested!

					ANNIE
				(Laughing) 
			Oh, no-I mean, I'm just a-auditioning 
			sort of at club.  I don't-

					ALVY
				(Overlapping) 
			No, so help me.

					ANNIE
				(Overlapping) 
			-it's my first time.

					ALVY
			That's okay, 'cause I know exactly what 
			that's like.  Listen-

					ANNIE
				(Interrupting) 
			Yeah.

					ALVY
				(Overlapping) 
			-you're gonna like night clubs, they're 
			really a lotta fun.


INT. NIGHT CLUB-NIGHT

Annie stands on center stage with a microphone, a pianist behind her.  A 
Bright light is focused on her; the rest of the club is in darkness.  There 
are the typical sounds and movements of a nightclub audience: low conversation,
curling smoke, breaking glass, microphone bum, moving chairs, waiters 
clattering trays, a ringing phone as Annie sings "It Had to Be You.


EXT. CITY STREET-NIGHT.

Alvy and Annie walk quickly down the sidewalk. 

					ANNIE 
			I was awful.  I'm so ashamed!  I can't 
			sing. 

					ALVY 
			Oh, listen, so the audience was a tad 
			restless.

					ANNIE 
			Whatta you mean, a tad restless?  Oh, 
			my God, I mean, they hated me.

					ALVY 
			No, they didn't.  You have a wonderful 
			voice.

					ANNIE 
			No, I'm gonna quit!

					ALVY
			No, I'm not gonna letcha.  You have a 
			great voice.

					ANNIE
			Really, do you think so, really?

					ALVY
			Yeah!

					ANNIE
			Yeah?

					ALVY
			It's terrific.

					ANNIE
				(Overlapping) 
			Yeah, you know something?  I never even 
			took a lesson, either.

They stop in the middle of the sidewalk.  Alvy turns Annie around to face him.

					ALVY 
			Hey, listen, listen.

					ANNIE
			 What?

					ALVY
			Gimme a kiss.

					ANNIE
			 Really?

					ALVY
			Yeah, why not, because we're just gonna 
			go home later, right?

					ANNIE
			Yeah.

					ALVY
			And-and uh, there's gonna be all that 
			tension.  You know, we never kissed before 
			and I'll never know when to make the right 
			move or anything.  So we'll kiss now we'll 
			get it over with and then we'll go eat. Okay?  

					ANNIE
			  Oh, all right.

					ALVY 
			And we'll digest our food better.

					ANNIE
			 Okay.


					ALVY 
			Okay?

					ANNIE 
			Yeah.

They kiss.

					ALVY 
			So now we can digest our food.  

They turn and start walking again.  

					ANNIE 
			We can digest our-

					ALVY 
			Okay. Yeah.


INT. DELI-NIGHT

Annie and Alvy sit down in a booth.  The deli is fairly well lit and crowded. 
Conversation, plates clattering, can be heard over the dialogue.  The waiter 
comes over to them to take their order.

					ALVY 
				(To the waiter) 
			I'm gonna have a corned beef.

					ANNIE 
				(To the waiter) 
			Yeah ... oh, uh, and I'm gonna have a 
			pastrami on white bread with, uh, 
			mayonnaise and tomatoes and lettuce. 
				(Alvy involuntarily makes a face 
				as the waiter leaves) 
			Tsch, so, uh, your second wife left you 
			and, uh, were you depressed about that?

					ALVY 
			Nothing that a few mega-vitamins couldn't 
			cure.

					ANNIE 
			Oh.  And your first wife was Allison?

					ALVY 
			My first... Yes, she was nice, but you 
			know, uh, it was my fault.  I was just... 
			I was too crazy.

					ANNIE 
			Oh.


INT. DARKENED BEDROOM-NIGHT

Alvy and Annie in bed together.

					ANNIE
			M'm, that was so nice.  That was nice.

					ALVY
			As Balzac said ...

					ANNIE
			 H'm?

					ALVY
			  "There goes another novel." 
				(They laugh) 
			Jesus, you were great.

					ANNIE
			 Oh, yeah?

					ALVY
			 Yeah.

					ANNIE
			 Yeah?

					ALVY
			 Yeah, I'm-I'm-I'm a wreck.

					ANNIE
			No. 
				(She turns and looks at Alvy, 
				then laughs) 
			You're a wreck.

					ALVY
			 Really.  I mean it.  I-I'll never play 
			the piano again.

					ANNIE
				 (Lighting a joint and laughing) 
			You're really nuts.  I don't know, you 
			really thought it was good?  Tell me.

					ALVY
			Good?  I was-

					ANNIE
				(Overlapping) 
			No.

					ALVY
			No, that was the most fun I've ever 
			had without laughing.

					ANNIE
				(Laughing) 
			Here, you want some?

					ALVY
			No, no, I-I-i, uh, I don't use any 
			major hallucinogenics because I took 
			a puff like five years ago at a party and

					ANNIE
			 Yeah?

					ALVY
			 -tried to take my pants off over my 
			head ... 
				(Annie laughs)
			...  my ear.

					ANNIE 
			Oh, I don't know, I don't really.  I 
			don't do it very often, you know, just 
			sort of, er ... relaxes me at first.

					ALVY 
			M'hm. 
				(He pushes himself up from the 
				bed and looks down at Annie)
			You're not gonna believe this, but-

					ANNIE
			 What?  What?

									CUT TO:
	

INT. BOOKSTORE-DAY

Annie and Alvy browsing in crowded bookstore.  Alvy, carrying two books, 
"Death and Western Thought" and "The Denial of Death", moves over to where 
Annie is looking.

					ALVY
			Hey?

					ANNIE
			 H'm?

					ALVY
			 I-I-I'm gonna buy you these books, I 
			think, because I-I think you should 
			read them.  You know, instead of that 
			cat book.

					ANNIE
				 (Looking at the books Alvy 
				is bolding) 
			That's, uh ... 
				(Laughing) 
			that's pretty serious stuff there.

					ALVY
			 Yeah, 'cause I-I'm, you know, I'm, 
			I'm obsessed with-with, uh, with death, 
			I think.  Big-

					ANNIE
				 (Overlapping) 
			Yeah?

					ALVY
			 -big subject with me, yeah.

					ANNIE 
			Yeah?

They move over to the cashier line.

					ALVY
				(Gesturing) 
			I've a very pessimistic view of life.  
			You should know this about me if we're 
			gonna go out, you know. I-I-I feel that 
			life is-is divided up into the horrible 
			and the miserable.

					ANNIE
			 M'hm.

					ALVY
			Those are the two categories ...

					ANNIE 
			M'hm.

					ALVY    
			... you know, they're- The-the horrible 
			would be like, uh, I don't know, terminal 
			cases, you know?

					ANNIE
			 M'hm.

					ALVY    
			And blind people, crippled ...

					ANNIE 
			Yeah.

					ALVY
			    I don't-don't know how they get through 
			life.  It's amazing to me.

					ANNIE
			 M'hm.

					ALVY
			 You know, and the miserable is everyone 
			else.  That's-that's all.  So-so when 
			you go through life you should be thankful 
			that you're miserable, because that's- 
			You're very lucky ... to be ... 
				(Overlapping Annie's laughter) 
			... to be miserable.

					ANNIE
			 U-huh.


EXT. PARK-DAY

It's a beautiful sunny day in Central Park.  People are sitting on benches, 
others strolling, some walking dogs.  One woman stands feeding cooing pigeons.
Alvy's and Annie's voices are heard off screen as they observe the scene before
them.  An older man and woman walk into view.

					ALVY
			Look, look at that guy.

					ANNIE
			 M'hm.

					ALVY
			There's-there's-there's-there's Mr. 
			When-in-the-Pink, Mr. Miami Beach, there, 
			you know? 
				(Over Annie's laughter) 
			He's the latest! just came back from 
			the gin-rummy farm last night. He 
			placed third.

					ANNIE
				 (Laughing) 
			M'hm.  Yeah.  Yeah.

The camera shows them sitting side by side relaxed on a bench.

					ALVY 
				(Watching two men approach, one 
				lighting a cigar) 
			Look at these guys.

					ANNIE
			 Yeah.

					ALVY   
			Oh, that's hilarious.  They're back 
			from Fire Island.  They're ... they're 
			sort of giving it a chance-you know what 
			I mean?

					ANNIE
			   Oh! Italian, right?

					ALVY 
			  Yeah, he's the Mafia.  Linen Supply Business 
			or Cement and Contract, you know what I mean?

					ANNIE
				 (Laughing) 
			Oh, yeah.

					ALVY 
			No, I'm serious. 
				(Over Annie's laughter) 
			I just got my mustache wet.

					ANNIE 
			Oh, yeah?

					ALVY 
				(As another man walks by) 
			And there's the winner of the Truman 
			Capote look-alike contest.


EXT. STREET-NIGHT

Alvy and Annie walk almost in silhouette along the dock, the New York City 
skyline in the background.  Alvy has his arm around Annie and they walk slowly.
No one else is around.

					ANNIE	
			You see, like you and I ...

					ALVY	
			You are extremely sexy.

					ANNIE	
			No, I'm not.

					ALVY	
			Unbelievably sexy.  Yes, you are.  
			Because ... you know what you are?  
			You're-you're polymorphously perverse.

					ANNIE	
			Well, what does-what does that mean?  
			I don't know what that is.

					ALVY 
			Uh ... uh, you're-you're exceptional 
			in bed because you got -you get pleasure 
			in every part of your body when I touch you.

					ANNIE 
			Ooooh!

They stop walking.  Holding Annie's arms, Alvy turns her to face him.  The 
South Street Bridge, lit up for the night, is in the background.

					ALVY 
			You know what I mean?  Like the tip 
			o'your nose, and if I stroke your teeth 
			or your kneecaps ... you get excited.

					ANNIE 
			Come on. 
				(Laughing) 
			Yeah.  You know what?  You know, I 
			like you, I really mean it.  I really do 
			like you.

					ALVY
			You- Do you love me?

					ANNIE
			Do I love you?

					ALVY
			That's the key question.

					ANNIE
			Yeah.

					ALVY
			I know you've only known me a short 
			while.

					ANNIE 
			Well, I certainly ... I think that's 
			very- Yeah, yeah ... 
				(Laughing) 
			yeah.  Do you love me?

					ALVY
			 I-uh, love is, uh, is too weak a word 
			for what...

					ANNIE
			 Yeah.

					ALVY
			- I ... I love you. 
				(Over Annie's laughter) 
			You know I lo-ove you, I-I love you. 
				(Over Annie's laughter) 
			I-I have to invent- Of course I love you.

					ANNIE
			 Yeah.

					ALVY 
				(Putting his arms around her neck) 
			Don't you think I do?

					ANNIE
			 I dunno.

They kiss as a foghorn sounds in the distance.


INT. ALVY'S APARTMENT

Alvy, somewhat distraught, is following Annie around his apartment, which is 
filled with boxes and suitcases, clothes and framed pictures.  They both carry 
cartons.

					ALVY
			 Whatta you mean?  You're not gonna give 
			up your own apartment, are you?

					ANNIE
				(Putting down the carton) 
			Of course.

					ALVY
			Yeah, bu-bu-but why?

					ANNIE
			Well, I mean, I'm moving in with you, 
			that's why.

					ALVY
			Yeah, but you-you got a nice apartment.

					ANNIE
			I have a tiny apartment.

					ALVY
				Yeah, I know it's small.

					ANNIE 
				(Picking up the suitcases and 
				walking into the bedroom) 
			That's right, and it's got bad plumbing 
			and bugs.

					ALVY
				(Picking up some pictures and 
				following Annie into the bedroom) 
			All right, granted, it has bad plumbing 
			and bugs, but you-you say that like it's a 
			negative thing.  You know, bugs are-are-uh, 
			entomology is a ... 
				(Annie, reacting, tosses the 
				suitcases and some loose clothing 
				onto the bed.  She sits down on the 
				edge, looking away. Alvy walks in, 
				pictures and carton in band, still 
				talking) 
			... rapidly growing field.

					ANNIE
			You don't want me to live with you?

					ALVY 
			How- I don't want you to live with me?  
			How- Whose idea was it?

					ANNIE 
			Mine.

					ALVY 
			Ye-ah.  Was it ... It was yours actually, 
			but, uh, I approved it immediately.

					ANNIE 
			I guess you think that I talked you into 
			something, huh?
				(putting pictures on the mantel) 
			
					ALVY
			No-what, what ...? I ... we live together, 
			we sleep together, we eat together.  Jesus, 
			you don't want it to be like we're married, 
			do yuh?

He moves over to the carton of books on the window seat and reaches in.  He 
starts tossing books off screen.

					ANNIE
				(Looking up at Alvy) 
			How is it any different?

					ALVY  
				(Gesturing) 
			It's different 'cause you keep your own 
			apartment. 
				(Holding a book, he starts walking 
				around the room) 
			Because you know it's there, we don't 
			have to go to it, we don't have to deal 
			with it, but it's like a-a-a free-floating 
			life raft ... that we know that we're not 
			married.

He tosses the book on the bed and walks back to the window seat.

					ANNIE  
				(Still sitting on the bed) 
			That little apartment is four hundred 
			dollars a month, Alvy.

					ALVY   
				(Looking at Annie) 
			That place is four hundred dollars a month?

					ANNIE  
			Yes, it is.  

					ALVY 
				(Whistling) 
			It's-it's got bad plumbing and bugs.  Jesus, 
			I'll-My accountant will write it off as a 
			tax deduction, I'll pay for it.

					ANNIE 
				(Shaking her head) 
			You don't think I'm smart enough to be 
			serious about.

					ALVY  
			Hey, don't be ridiculous.

Alvy moves over to the bed and sits down next to Annie.

					ANNIE  
			Then why are you always pushing me to take 
			those college courses like I was dumb or 
			something?

					ALVY  
				(Putting his hand to his forehead) 
			'Cause adult education's a wonderful thing.  
			You meet a lotta interesting professors.  
			You know, it's stimulating.

EXT. COUNTRY HIGHWAY - DAY

Annie and Alvy, in Annie's VW, driving to their summerhouse.  The camera moves 
with them as they pass a house with a lighted window, blooming foliage.  There 
is no dialogue, but it is a comfortable quiet.  Classical music plays in the 
background.

									CUT TO:


INT. COUNTRY HOUSE - NIGHT

Annie, sitting cross-legged on a wooden chest in the bedroom, is browsing 
through a school catalogue.  Alvy lies in bed reading.

					ANNIE 
				(Reading) 
			Does this sound like a good course?  
			Uh, "Modern American Poetry"?  Uh, or, 
			uh-let's see now ... maybe I should, uh, 
			take "Introduction to the Novel."

					ALVY 
			Just don't take any course where they 
			make you read Beowulf.

					ANNIE 
			What? 
				(Laughing) 
			Hey, listen, what-what do you think?  Do 
			you think we should, uh, go to that-that 
			party in Southampton tonight? 

Alvy leans over and kisses her shoulder.

					ALVY 
			No, don't be silly.  What-what do we need 
			other people for? 
				(He puts his arms around her neck, 
				kissing her, Annie making muffled 
				sounds) 
			You know, we should-we should just turn 
			out the lights, you know, and play hide 
			and seek or something.

					ANNIE 
				(Laughing) 
			Well, okay.  Well, listen, I'm gonna get 
			a cigarette, okay?

					ALVY 
				(Yelling out to her as she leaves 
				the room) 
			Yeah, grass, right?  The illusion that 
			it will make a white woman more like 
			Billie Holiday.

					ANNIE 
				(Off screen) 
			Well, have you ever made love high?

					ALVY
			Me, no.  You ... I-I-you know, if I 
			have grass or alcohol or anything I 
			get unbearably wonderful.  I get too, 
			too wonderful for words.  You know, 
			I don't-I don't know why you have to, 
			uh, get high every time we make love.

					ANNIE 
				(Moving back into the room and 
				lighting a joint) 
			It relaxes me.

					ALVY 
			Oh, you-you have to be artificially 
			relaxed before we can go to bed?

					ANNIE 
				(Closing the door) 
			Well, what's the difference, anyway?

					ALVY 
			Well, I'll give you a shot of sodium 
			pentothal.  You can sleep through it.

					ANNIE 
			Oh, come on, look who's talking.  You've 
			been seeing a psychiatrist for fifteen years. 
				(She gets into bed and takes a 
				puff of marijuana) 
			You should smoke some o' this.  You'd be 
			off the couch in no time.

					ALVY 
			Oh, come, you don't need that.

Alvy, sitting down on the bed, moves over to Annie and takes the weed from her.

					ANNIE 
			What are you doing?

					ALVY 
				(Kissing her) 
			No, no, no, what ... You can once, you 
			can live without it once.  Come on.

					ANNIE 
			Oh, no, Alvy, please. Alvy, please.
				(Laughing and making sounds) 
			M'mrnm.

					ALVY 
			M'm, wait, I got a great idea. 
				(He gets up and goes over to the 
				closet, taking out a light bulb.  
				He goes back to the bed and turns 
				out the lamp on the night table) 
			Hang in there for a second.  I got a 
			little-little artifact.  A little erotic 
			artifact, that-that I brought up from the 
			city, which I think, uh, is gonna be perfect. 
				(He turns the lamp back on, having 
				replaced the bulb with the red one 
				from the closet) 
			I just ... there ... There's a little Old 
			New Orleans ... essence.  Now-now we can go 
			about our business here and we can even 
			develop photographs if we want to.  There, 
			now there. 
				(He undresses and crawls into bed, 
				taking Annie in his arms) 
			M'mmm.  M'mmm.  Hey, is something wrong?  

					ANNIE

			Uh-uh-why?

					ALVY 
			I don't know.  You- It's like you're-
			you're removed.

					ANNIE 
			No, I'm fine.

As Annie speaks, her inner self (ghostlike, moves up from the bed and) sits 
down on a chair, watching.

					ALVY 
			Really?

					ANNIE 
			U-huh.

					ALVY 
			I don't know, but you seem sort of distant. 

					ANNIE 
			Let's just do it, all right?

					ALVY
				(Kissing and caressing Annie) 
			Is it my imagination or are you just 
			going through the motions?

					ANNIE'S SPIRIT  
			Alvy, do you remember where I put my 
			drawing pad?  Because while you two are 
			doing that, I think I'm gonna do some 
			drawing.

					ALVY 
				(Reacting) 
			You see, that's what I call removed.

					ANNIE 
			Oh, you have my body.

					ALVY 
			Yeah, but that's not-that's no good.  
			I want the whole thing. 

					ANNIE 
				(Sighing) 
			Well, I need grass and so do you.

					ALVY 
			Well, it ruins it for me if you have grass 
				(Clearing his throat)
			 because, you know, I'm, like, a comedian-

					ANNIE 
				(Overlapping) 
			M'hm.

					ALVY 
				(Overlapping) 
			-so if I get a laugh from a person who's 
			high, it doesn't count.  You know-'cause 
			they're always laughin'.

					ANNIE 
			Were you always funny?

					ALVY 
			Hey, what is this-an interview?  We're 
			supposed to be making love.

									CUT TO:


INT. OFFICE.

A typical old-fashioned theatrical agency in a Broadway office building. 
Autographed 8 X 12 is plastered in the sloppy room.  The agent, chewing a 
cigar, sits behind his desk talking to one of his clients, a comedian, who 
stands with his hands in his pockets.  A young Alvy sits stiffly in a chair 
nearby watching.

					AGENT 
			This guy is naturally funny.  I think 
			he can write for you.

					COMIC 
				(Buttoning his jacket) 
			Yeah, yeah.  Hey, kid, he tells me you're 
			really good.  Well, lemme explain a little 
			bit o' how I work.  You know, you can tell 
			right off the bat that I don't look like 
			a funny guy when I come-you know, like some 
			o' the guys that come out.  You know, right 
			away 
				(Gesturing) 
			they're gonna tell yuh their stories, you're 
			gonna fall down, but I gotta be really 
			talented.  Material's gotta be sensational 
			for me 'cause I work, you know, with very, 
			very ... Come on, I'm kinda classy, you 
			know what I mean?  Uh ... uh ... lemme 
			explain.  For instance, I open with an 
			opening song.  A musical start like 
				(Ad-lib singing) 
			and I walk out 
				(Ad-lib singing)  
			"Place looks wonderful from here and 
			you folks look wonderful from here! 
				(Singing)
			"And seein' you there
			With a smile on your face
			Makes me shout
			This must be the place."
			Then I stop right in the middle and then 
			I open with some jokes.  Now, that's where 
			I need you, right there.  For instance, like 
			I say, "Hey, I just got back from Canada, 
			you know, they speak a lotta French up 
			there.  The only way to remember Jeanne 
			d'Arc means the light's out in the bathroom!" 
				(He laughs.  Seated Alvy looks 
				up smiling) 
			"Oh, I met a big lumberjack ..."

					ALVY'S VOICE 
				(To himself) 
			Jesus, this guy's pathetic. 

					COMIC 
				(Overlapping above speech) 
			... big lumberjack ...

					ALVY'S VOICE 
				(To himself while the comic 
				continues his routine) 
			Look at him mincing around, like he 
			thinks he's real cute.  You wanna throw 
			up.  If only I had the nerve to do my 
			own jokes.  I don't know how much longer 
			I can keep this smile frozen on my face.  
			I'm in the wrong business, I know it.

					COMIC 
				(Overlapping above speech) 
			"'Cherie, come back.  I love you. 
				(Shaking his lips and mimicking) 
			But, uh, Cheri, what will I do with this, 
			uh?' He says, 'Aw, Marie, sometime you 
			make me so mad."' 
				(Laughing) 
			Oh, they scream at that.  Now, write me 
			somethin' like that, will yuh?  Kinda 
			French number, can yuh do it?  Huh, kid?


INT. THEATER - NIGHT

The darkened auditorium is filled with college students applauding and cheering,
excited, as Alvy stands on spotlighted stage holding the microphone.

					ALVY 
				(Gesturing) 
			W-where am I? I-I keep ... I have to 
			reorient myself.  This is the University 
			of Wisconsin, right?  So I'm always ... 
			I'm tense and ... uh, when I'm playin' a 
			col- I've a very bad history with colleges.  
			You know, I went to New York University and, 
			uh, tsch, I was thrown out of NYU my freshman 
			year ... for cheating on my metaphysics final.  
			You know, I looked within the soul of the 
			boy sitting next to me- 
				(The audience laughs; they're with him)
			 -and when I was thrown out, my mother, 
			who's an emotionally high-strung woman, 
			locked herself in the bathroom and took an 
			overdose of mah-jongg tiles. 
				(More applause and laughter) 
			And, uh, tsch, I was depressed.  I was ... 
			in analysis, I-I, uh, was suicidal; as a 
			matter of fact, uh, I would have killed 
			myself but I was in analysis with a strict 
			Freudian and if you kill yourself ... they 
			make you pay for the sessions you miss.


INT. BACKSTAGE OF THEATER.

Students mill around Alvy banding him pens and paper for autographs.
Annie is next to him, talking over the chattering fans.

					ANNIE 
			Alvy, you were ... Alvy, you were just 
			great, I'm not kidding.  It was- You 
			were so neat.

					ALVY 
			C-c-coll- College audiences are so wonderful.

					ANNIE 
			Yeah.  Yeah.  And you know something?  
			I think that I'm starting to get more 
			of your references, too.

					ALVY
			Are yuh?

					ANNIE 
			Yeah.

					ALVY 
			Well, the twelve o'clock show is 
			completely different than the nine.

					YOUNG WOMAN 
				(Interrupting) 
			May I have your autograph?


					ANNIE 
				(Over lapping above speech) 
			Oh.

					ALVY 
				(To Annie, while autographing) 
			You're so sure about it.

					ANNIE 
			Oh, I'm really, uh, looking forward to 
			tomorrow.  I mean, you know, I think that 
			it'll be really nice to meet Mother and 
			Father. 

They start moving toward the exit, a girl snapping a picture of Alvy with a 
flash camera as they walk through the crowd.

					ALVY 
			Yeah, I know, they'll hate me immediately. 
				(To one of his fans) 
			Thank you.

					ANNIE 
			No, I don't think so.  No, I don't think 
			they're gonna hate you at all.  On the 
			contrary, I think-

					ALVY 
			Yeah.

					ANNIE 
			It's Easter.  You know, we'll have a nice 
			dinner, we'll sit down and eat.  I think 
			they're gonna really like you.


EXT. ANNIE'S PARENTS' HOME-DAY

The camera shows a neat two-story house surrounded by a well-manicured green 
lawn, then cuts to:


INT. DINING ROOM.

Alvy and the Halls are eating Easter dinner.  The sun is pouring through a big 
picture window, shining on a large, elegantly laid out table. Alvy sits, at one
end,- rubbing his nose and chewing, the Halls flanking him on either side: Mr.
and Mrs. Hall, Grammy, and Annie's brother, Duane.

					MOM HALL 
				(Holding her wine glass) 
			It's a nice ham this year, Mom. 

Grammy Hall takes a sip of her wine and nods.

					ANNIE 
				(Smiling at Duane) 
			Oh, yeah.  Grammy always does such 
			a good job.

					DAD HALL 
				(Chewing) 
			A great sauce.

					ALVY 
			It is. 
				(Smacking his lips) 
			It's dynamite ham.

Grammy Hall stares down the table at Alvy; a look of utter dislike. Alvy tries 
not to notice.

					MOM HALL 
				(To Dad Hall, smoothing her hair) 
			We went over to the swap meet.  Annie, 
			Gram and I. Got some nice picture frames.

					ANNIE 
			We really had a good time.

Grammy continues to stare at Alvy; he is now dressed in the long black coat and
hat of the Orthodox Jew, complete with mustache and heard.

					MOM HALL 
				(Lighting a cigarette and turning 
				to Alvy) 
			Ann tells us that you've been seeing a 
			psychiatrist for fifteen years.

					ALVY 
				(Setting down his glass and coughing) 
			Yes.  I'm making excellent progress.  
			Pretty soon when I lie down on his couch, 
			I won't have to wear the lobster bib.

Mom Hall reacts by sipping from her glass and frowning.  Grammy continues to 
stare.

					DAD HALL 
			Duane and I went out to the boat basin.

					DUANE 
			We were caulkin' holes all day.

					DAD HALL 
			Yeah. 
				(Laughing) 
			Randolph Hunt was drunk, as usual.

					MOM HALL 
			Oh, that Randolph Hunt.  You remember 
			Randy Hunt, Annie.  He was in the choir 
			with you.

					ANNIE 
			Oh, yes, yes.

Alvy, leaning his elbow on the table, looks out toward the camera.


					ALVY 
				(To the audience) 
			I can't believe this family. 
				(Making chewing sounds) 
			Annie's mother.  She really's beautiful.  
			And they're talkin' swap meets and boat 
			basins, and the old lady at the end of 
			the table 
				(Pointing to Grammy) 
			is a classic Jew hater.  And, uh, they, 
			they realty look American, you know, 
			very healthy and ... like they never 
			get sick or anything.  Nothing like my 
			family.  You know, the two are like oil 
			and water.

The screen splits in half - on the right is Alvy's family - his mother, father,
aunt and uncle-busily eating at the crowded kitchen table.  They eat quickly 
and interrupt one another loudly.  On the left the Halls in their dining room. 
Both dialogues overlap, juxtaposed.

					ALVY'S FATHER 
			Let 'im drop dead!  Who needs his 
			business?!

					ALVY'S MOTHER 
			His wife has diabetes!

					ALVY'S FATHER 
			Di-diabetes?  Is that any excuse?  
			Diabetes?

					ALVY'S UNCLE 
			The man is fifty years old and doesn't 
			have a substantial job.

					ALVY'S AUNT 
				(Putting more meat on her 
				husband's plate) 
			Is that a reason to steal from his father?

					ALVY'S UNCLE 
			Whatta you talkin' about?  You don't 
			know what you're talking about.

					ALVY'S AUNT 
			Yes, I know what I'm talking about.

					ALVY'S MOTHER 
				(Interrupting) 
			George, defend him!

					ALVY'S UNCLE 
				(Over Alvy's father's muttering) 
			No Moskowitz he had a coronary.

					ALVY'S AUNT 
			You don't say.


					ALVY'S MOTHER 
			We fast.

					MOM HALL 
			Stupid Thelma Poindexter ... to the 
			Veterans Hospital.

					DAD HALL 
			My God, he's the new president of the 
			El Regis.  Let me tell you, the man is 
			somethin' else.

					MOM HALL 
			That's Jack's wife.  We used to make 
			that outta raisins.

					ANNIE 
			Oh, yes, that's right.  Did you see 
			the new play?

					MOM HALL 
			Oh, you remember her, Annie.

					ANNIE 
			Yes, I do.

The two families start talking back and forth to one another.  The screen is 
still split.

					MOM HALL 
			How do you plan to spend the holidays, 
			Mrs. Singer?

					DAD HALL 
			Fast?

					ALVY'S FATHER 
			Yeah, no food.  You know, we have to 
			atone for our sins.

					MOM HALL 
			What sins?  I don't understand.

					ALVY'S FATHER 
			Tell you the truth, neither do we.

									CUT TO:


INT. DUANE'S BEDROOM-NIGHT

Duane, sitting on his bed, sees Alvy walking past the open door.

					DUANE 
			Alvy.

					ALVY 
				(Walking in) 
			Oh, hi, Duane, how's it goin'?

					DUANE 
			This is my room.

					ALVY 
				(Looking around) 
			Oh, yeah? 
				(He clears his throat) 
			Terrific.

					DUANE 
			Can I confess something?

Alvy sighs and sits down, leaning his arm on Duane's dresser.  Duane's face is 
big lighted by a single lamp.

					DUANE 
			I tell you this because, as an artist, 
			I think you'll understand.  Sometimes 
			when I'm driving ... on the road at night
			... I see two headlights coming toward me.  
			Fast.  I have this sudden impulse to turn 
			the wheel quickly, head-on into the 
			oncoming car.  I can anticipate the 
			explosion.  The sound of shattering glass.  
			The ... flames rising out of the flowing 
			gasoline.

					ALVY 
				(Reacting and clearing his throat) 
			Right.  Tsch, well, I have to-I have 
			t-o go now, Duane, because I-I'm due 
			back on the planet earth. 

He slowly gets up and moves toward the door.


INT. THE HALLS' LIVING ROOM.

Mom and Dad Hall walk into the living room; Annie is with them.

					MOM HALL
			Now, don't let it be so long, now.

					ANNIE 
			No.

					DAD HALL 
			And look up Uncle Bill, you promise. 

					ANNIE 
			Okay.  Okay.

					MOM HALL 
			Oh, he's adorable, Annie.

					ANNIE 
			You think so?  Do you really?

					MOM HALL 
			We're going to take them to the airport.
					
					DAD HALL 
			Oh, no-Duane can.  I haven't finished 
			my drink. 

					ANNIE 
			Yes, Duane is.  I'll be right-

					MOM HALL 
			M'mmm.

					ANNIE 
			I just have time to get the, uh-

She walks out of the room as Mom and Dad Hall kiss.


EXT. ROAD - NIGHT

Duane, behind the wheel, stares straight ahead.  It is raining very hard, the 
windshield wipers are moving quickly.  The headlights of another car brightens 
the interior of Duane's car as the camera shows first Duane, then Annie, then 
Alvy tensely staring straight ahead.

EXT. STREET- DAY

The camera bolds on a quiet New York City street; the buildings, brownstones. 
It's a warm day-people sit on front stoops, window boxes are planted. Annie 
walks into the frame first, then Alvy, who is walking to her right. They walk 
quickly, side by side, their voices heard before they move into the frame.

					ANNIE 
				(Off screen) 
			You followed me.  I can't believe it!

					ALVY 
				(Off screen) 
			I didn't follow you!

					ANNIE  
			You followed me!

					ALVY   
			Why?  'Cause I ... was walkin' along 
			a block behind you staring at you?  
			That's not following!

					ANNIE 
			Well, what is your definition of 
			following?

					ALVY 
				(Gasping) 
			Following is different.  I was spying.

					ANNIE 
			Do you realize how paranoid you are?


					ALVY 
			Paranoid?  I'm looking at you.  You 
			got your arms around another guy.

					ANNIE 
			That is the worst kind of paranoia.

					ALVY 
			Yeah-well, I didn't start out spying.  
			I-I thought I'd surprise yuh.  Pick you 
			up after school.

					ANNIE 
			Yeah-well, you wanted to keep the 
			relationship flexible, remember?  
			It's your phrase.

					ALVY 
			Oh, stop it.  But you were having an 
			affair with your college professor.  
			That jerk that teaches that incredible 
			crap course "Contemporary Crisis in 
			Western Man"!

					ANNIE 
			"Existential Motifs in Russian Literature"!  
			You're really close.

					ALVY 
			What's the difference?  It's all mental 
			masturbation.

					ANNIE 
				(Stopping for a moment) 
			Oh, well, now we're finally getting to 
			a subject you know something about!

She walks away.

					ALVY 
				(Catching up to her) 
			Hey, don't knock masturbation!  It's 
			sex with someone I love.

					ANNIE 
				(Continuing to walk quickly) 
			We're not having an affair.  He's married.  
			He just happens to think I'm neat.

					ALVY 
				(Still walking next to her) 
			"Neat"!  There's that- What are you-twelve 
			years old?  That's one o' your Chippewa 
			Falls expressions!  "He thinks I'm neat."

					ANNIE 
			Who cares?  Who cares?

					ALVY
			Next thing you know he'll find you keen
			and peachy, you know?  Next thing you 
			know he's got his hand on your ass!  

They both stop in the middle of the street.

					ANNIE 
			You've always had hostility toward 
			David ever since I mentioned him!

					ALVY 
			David?  You call your teacher David?

					ANNIE 
			It's his name.

					ALVY
			 Well, listen, that's, a nice bi-it's 
			a biblical name.  Right?  W-What does 
			he call you?  Bathsheba?

He walks away.

					ANNIE 
				(Calling after him) 
			Alvy!  Alvy!  You're the one who never 
			wanted to make a real commitment.  You 
			don't think I'm smart enough!  We had 
			that argument just last month, or don't 
			ou remember that day?

									CUT TO:


INT. KITCHEN.

Alvy is at the sink washing dishes as the screen cuts to the scene of last 
month's argument.  Annie's voice is heard.

					ANNIE 
				(Off screen) 
			I'm home!

					ALVY 
				(Turning) 
			Oh, yeah?  How'd it go?

					ANNIE 
				(Comes into the kitchen and puts 
				down a bag of groceries on the 
				kitchen table) 
			Oh, it was ... 
				(Laughing) 
			really weird.  But she's a very nice woman.

					ALVY 
			Yeah?

					ANNIE 
			And I didn't have to lie down on the couch, 
			Alvy, she had me sitting up.  So I told her 
			about-about the-the family and about my 
			feelings toward men and about my 
			relationship with my brother.

					ALVY 
			M'm.

					ANNIE 
			And then she mentioned penis envy ... 
			Did you know about that?

					ALVY 
			Me?  I'm-I'm one of the few males who 
			suffers from that, so, so ... you know.

					ANNIE 
			M'hm.

					ALVY 
			G-go on, I'm interested.

					ANNIE 
			Well, she said that I was very guilty 
			about my impulses toward marriage, 
			and-and children.

					ALVY 
			M'hm.

					ANNIE 
			And then I remembered when I was a kid 
			how I accidentally saw my parents making 
			love.

					ALVY 
			Tsch.  Rea- All this happened in the 
			first hour?

					ANNIE 
			M'hm.

					ALVY 
			That's amazing. I-I-I ... I've been 
			goin' for fifteen years, I-you know, 
			I don't got ... nothing like that in-

					ANNIE 
			Oh, I told her my dream and then I cried.

					ALVY
			You cried?  I've never once cried.  
			Fantastic ...

					ANNIE
				(Taking groceries from the bag) 
			Yeah.

					ALVY
			I whine. I-I-I sit and I whine.

					ANNIE
			In-in ... Alvy, in my dream Frank 
			Sinatra is holding his pillow across 
			my face and I can't breathe.

					ALVY 
			Sinatra?

					ANNIE
			Yeah, and he's strangling me ...

					ALVY
			Yeah?

					ANNIE
			... and I keep, you know, it's-

					ALVY 
				(Taking a bottle of juice and 
				some celery from the bag) 
			Well, well, sure ... because he's a 
			singer and you're a singer, you know, 
			so it's perfect.  So you're trying to 
			suffocate yourself.  It-it makes perfect 
			sense.  Uh, uh, that's a perfect analytic 
			... kind of insight.

					ANNIE 
				(Pointing her finger at Alvy) 
			She said, your name was Alvy Singer.

					ALVY 
				(Turning to Annie) 
			Whatta you mean?  Me?

					ANNIE 
			Yeah, yeah, yeah, you.  Because in the 
			dream ... I break Sinatra's glasses.

					ALVY 
				(Putting his band to his mouth) 
			Sinatra had gl- You never said Sinatra 
			had glasses.  So whatta you saying that 
			I-I'm suffocating you?

					ANNIE 
				(Turning, ajar in her hand) 
			Oh, and God, Alvy, I did ... this really 
			terrible thing to him.  Because then when 
			he sang it was in this real high-pitched 
			voice.

					ALVY 
				(Thinking) 
			Tsch, what'd the doctor say?

					ANNIE 
				(Putting away some groceries)
			Well, she said that I should probably 
			come five times a week.  And you know 
			something?  I don't think I mind analysis 
			at all.  The only question is, Will it 
			change my wife?

					ALVY 
			Will it change your wife?

					ANNIE 
			Will it change my life?

					ALVY
			Yeah, but you said, "Will it change 
			my wife"!

					ANNIE
			No, I didn't. 
				(Laughing) 
			I said, "Will it change my life," Alvy.

					ALVY
			You said, "Will it change. . ." Wife.  
			Will it change ...

					ANNIE
				(Yelling out, angry) 
			Life.  I said, "life."

Alvy turns toward the camera.

					ALVY 
				(To the audience) 
			She said, "Will it change my wife." You 
			heard that because you were there so I'm 
			not crazy.

					ANNIE
			 And, Alvy ... and then I told her about 
			how I didn't think you'd ever really take 
			me seriously, because you don't think that 
			I'm smart enough.

She walks out of the room.

					ALVY
				 (To Annie's back, gesturing) 
			Why do you always bring that up?  Because 
			I encourage you to take adult-education 
			courses?  I think it's a wonderful thing.  
			You meet wonderful, interesting professors'.

									CUT TO:


EXT. STREET

Annie stands at the open door of a cab, Alvy next to her gesturing as people 
and cars move by.


					ALVY 
			Adult education is such junk!  The 
			professors are so phony.  How can you 
			do it?

					ANNIE 
			A bit rapidly.  I don't care what you 
			say about David, he's a perfectly fine 
			teacher!

					ALVY 
				(Interrupting) 
			David!  David!  I can't believe this! 
 
					ANNIE 
			And what are you doing following me 
			around for, anyway?
  
					ALVY 
			I'm following you and David, if you-

					ANNIE  
				(Interrupting) 
			I just think we oughta call this 
			relationship quits! 

Annie gets into the cab; Alvy leans over and closes the door.

ALVY
			 That's fine.  That's fine.  That's great! 
				(He turns toward the camera as the 
				cab drives away) 
			Well, I don't know what I did wrong. 
				(Gesturing) 
			I mean, I can't believe this.  Somewhere 
			she cooled off to me! 
				(He walks up to an older woman 
				walking down the street carrying 
				groceries) 
			Is it-is it something that I did?

WOMAN ON THE STREET 
			Never something you do.  That's how 
			people are. Love fades.

She moves on down the street.

ALVY
				 (Scratching his head) 
			Love fades.  God, that's a depressing
			thought. Have to ask you a question. 
				(He stops another passer-by,a man) 
			Don't go any further.  Now, with your 
			wife in bed, d-d-does she need some kind 
			o' artificial stimulation like-like marijuana?

					MAN ON THE STREET 
			We use a large vibrating egg.

He walks on.

					ALVY 
				(Continuing to walk) 
			Large vibrating egg.  Well, I ask a 
			psychopath, I get that kind of an answer.  
			Jesus, I-I, uh, here ... 
				(He moves up the sidewalk to 
				a young trendy-looking couple, 
				arms wrapped around each other) 
			You-you look like a really happy couple.  
			Uh, uh ... are you?

					YOUNG WOMAN
			 Yeah.

					ALVY
			 Yeah!  So ... so h-h-how do you account 
			for it?

					YOUNG WOMAN 
			Uh, I'm very shallow and empty and I 
			have no ideas and nothing interesting 
			to say.

					YOUNG MAN 
			And I'm exactly the same way.

					ALVY 
			I see.  Well, that's very interesting.  
			So you've managed to work out something, huh?

					YOUNG MAN 
			Right.

					YOUNG WOMAN
			 Yeah.

					ALVY 
			Oh, well, thanks very much for talking 
			to me.

He continues to walk past some other passersby and moves into the street. A 
mounted policeman comes by and stops near him. Alvy looks at the horse, as if 
to speak.

					ALVY'S VOICE-OVER 
			You know, even as a kid I always went 
			for the wrong women.  I think that's my 
			problem.  When my mother took me to see 
			Snow White, everyone fell in love with 
			Snow White.  I immediately fell for the 
			Wicked Queen.

The scene dissolves into a sequence from the animated Snow White and the Seven 
Dwarfs.  The Wicked Queen, resembling Annie, sits in the palace before her 
mirror.  Alvy, as a cartoon figure, sits beside her, arms crossed in front of 
him.

					WICKED QUEEN 
			We never have any fun anymore.

					CARTOON FIGURE ALVY 
			How can you say that?

					WICKED QUEEN 
			Why not?  You're always leaning on me
			 to improve myself.

					CARTOON FIGURE ALVY
			 You're just upset.  You must be getting 
			your period.

					WICKED QUEEN
			 I don't get a period!  I'm a cartoon 
			character.  Can't I be upset once in 
			a while?

Rob, as a cartoon figure, enters and sits down on the other side of the Wicked 
Queen.

					CARTOON FIGURE ROB   
			Max, will you forget about Annie?  I 
			know lots of women you can date.

					CARTOON FIGURE ALVY
			 I don't wanna go out with any other women.

					CARTOON FIGURE ROB   
			Max, have I got a girl for you.  You are
			going to love her.  She's a reporter-

The cartoon figures of Alvy and Rob walk past the Wicked Queen; the screen 
dissolves into the interior of a concert ball.  Rob's voice carries over from 
the cartoon scene as the screen shows Alvy with the female reporter.  It's very
crowded, noisy; policeman and reporters are everywhere. Alvy stands with his 
hands in his pockets, watching the commotion.

					CARTOON FIGURE ROB'S VOICE-OVER 
			-for Rolling Stone.

					FEMALE REPORTER
			 I think there are more people here to 
			see the Maharishi than there were to see 
			the Dylan concert.  I covered the Dylan 
			concert ... which gave me chills.  
			Especially when he sang "She takes just 
			like a woman And she makes love just 
			like a woman Yes, she does And she aches 
			just like a woman But she breaks just 
			like a little girl." 
				(They move toward the aisles as 
				a guard holds up his hands to stop 
				them) 
			Up to that I guess the most charismatic 
			event I covered was Mick's Birthday when 
			    the Stones played Madison Square Garden.

					ALVY 
				(Laughing) 
			Man, that's great.  That's just great.

					REPORTER 
			You catch Dylan?

					ALVY 
				(Coughing) 
			Me?  No, no. I-I couldn't make it that 
			ni- My-my raccoon had hepatitis.

					REPORTER 
			You have a raccoon?

					ALVY 
				(Gesturing) 
			Tsch, a few.

					REPORTER
			 The only word for this is trans-plendid.  
			It's trans-plendid. 

					ALVY 
			I can think of another word.

					REPORTER
			 He's God!  I mean, this man is God!  He's 
			got millions of followers who would crawl 
			all the way across the world just to touch 
			the hem of his garment.

					ALVY 
			Really?  It must be a tremendous hem.

					REPORTER 
			I'm a Rosicrucian myself.

					ALVY 
			Are you?

					REPORTER
			 Yeah.

					ALVY 
			I can't get with any religion that 
			advertises in Popular Mechanics.  Look- 
				(The Maharisbi, a small, chunky 
				man, walks out of the men's room, 
				huge bodyguards flanking him while 
				policemen bold back the crowds)
			there's God coming outta the men's room.

					REPORTER
			 It's unbelievably trans-plendid!  I was 
			at the Stones concert in Altamount when 
			they killed that guy, remember?

					ALVY
			 Yeah, were yuh?  I was-I was at an Alice 
			Cooper thing where six people were rushed 
			to the hospital with bad vibes.


INT. ALVY'S BEDROOM-NIGHT

The reporter is sitting up in bed, lighted cigarette in her hand.  Alvy, lying
next to her, rubs his eyes and puts on his eyeglasses.

					REPORTER
				 (Looking down at him) 
			I hope you don't mind that I took so long 
			to finish.

					ALVY
				 (Sighing) 
			Oh, no, no, don't be ... tsch ... don't 
			be silly.  You know, 
				(Yawning) 
			I'm startin' it-I'm startin' to get some 
			feeling back in my jaw now.

					REPORTER
			 Oh, sex with you is really a kafkaesque 
			experience.

					ALVY 
			Oh, tsch, thank you.  H'm.

					REPORTER
			 I mean that as a compliment.

					ALVY  
				(Making sounds) 
			I think-I think there's too much burden 
			placed on the orgasm, you know, to make 
			up for empty areas in life.

					REPORTER
			 Who said that?

					ALVY 
				(Rubbing his chin and shoulder) 
			Uh, oh, I don't know.  It might have 
			been Leopold and Loeb. 
				(The telephone rings.  Alvy picks 
				it up, rising up slightly from the 
				bed, concerned, as he talks) 
			Hello.  Oh, hi ... Uh, no, what-what's 
			the matter?  What-what-what?  You sound 
			terrible ... No, what- Sure I- Whatta yuh
			-what kind of an emergency? ... No, well, 
			stay there.  Stay there, I'll come over 
			right now.  I'll come over right now.  Just 
			stay there, I'll come right over.

He hangs up.  The reporter sits in bed still, taking in the situation.


INT. ANNIE'S APARTMENT HALLWAY

Annie, looking slightly distraught, goes to open the door to Alvy's knock.

					ALVY 
			What's- It's me, open up.

					ANNIE
				 (Opening the door) 
			Oh.

					ALVY
			 Are you okay?  What's the matter? 
				(They look at each other, Annie 
				sighing) 
			Are you all right?  What-

					ANNIE
			 There's a spider in the bathroom.

					ALVY  
				(Reacting) 
			What?

					ANNIE 
			There's a big black spider in the bathroom.

					ALVY
			 That's what you got me here for at three 
			o'clock in the morning, 'cause there's a 
			spider in the bathroom?

					ANNIE
			 My God, I mean, you know how I am about 
			insects.
 
					ALVY
				 (Interrupting, sighing) 
			Oooh.

					ANNIE
			-I can't sleep with a live thing crawling 
			around in the bathroom.

					ALVY
			 Kill it!  For Go- What's wrong with you?  
			Don't you have a can of Raid in the house?

					ANNIE
				 (Shaking her head) 
			No.

Alvy, disgusted, starts waving his hands and starts to move into the living 
room.

					ALVY
				 (Sighing) 
			I told you a thousand times you should 
			always keep, uh, a lotta insect spray.  
			You never know who's gonna crawl over.

					ANNIE 
				(Following him) 
			I know, I know, and a first-aid kit and 
			a fire extinguisher.

					ALVY
			Jesus.  All right, gimme a magazine.  
			I- 'cause I'm a little tired. 
				(While Annie goes of to find 
				him a magazine, Alvy, still 
				talking, glances around the 
				apartment.  He notices a small 
				book on a cabinet and picks it up.) 
			You know, you, you joke with-about me, 
			you make fun of me, but I'm prepared for 
			anything.  An emergency, a tidal wave, 
			an earthquake.  Hey, what is this?  
			What?  Did you go to a rock concert?

					ANNIE
			 Yeah.

					ALVY 
			Oh, yeah, really?  Really?  How-how'd 
			you like it?  Was it-was it, I mean, 
			did it ... was it heavy?  Did it achieve 
			total heavy-ocity?  Or was it, uh...

					ANNIE
			 It was just great!

					ALVY
				 (Thumbing through the book) 
			Oh, humdinger.  When- Well, I got a 
			wonderful idea.  Why don'tcha get the 
			guy who took you to the rock concert, 
			we'll call him and he can come over and 
			kill the spider.  You know, it's a-

He tosses the book down on the cabinet.

					ANNIE 
			 I called you; you wanna help me ... or 
			not?  H'h?  Here. 

She hands him a magazine.

					ALVY
				 (Looking down at the magazine) 
			What is this?  What are you, since 
			when do you read the "National Review"?  
			What are you turning in to?

					ANNIE
				 (Turning to a nearby chair for 
				some gum in her pocketbook) 
			Well, I like to try to get all points 
			of view.

					ALVY 
			It's wonderful.  Then why don'tcha get 
			William F. Buckley to kill the spider?

					ANNIE
			 (Spinning around to face him) 
			Alvy, you're a little hostile, you 
			know that?  Not only that, you look 
			thin and tired.

She puts a piece of gum in her mouth.

					ALVY
			  Well, I was in be- It's three o'clock 
			in the morning.  You, uh, you got me 
			outta bed, I ran over here, I couldn't 
			get a taxi cab.  You said it was an 
			emergency, and I didn't ge- I ran up 
			the stairs.  Hell - I was a lot more 
			attractive when the evening began.  
			Look, uh, tell- Whatta you- Are you 
			going with a right-wing rock-and roll 
			star?  Is that possible?

					ANNIE
				 (Sitting down on a chair arm 
				and looking up at Alvy) 
			Would you like a glass of chocolate milk?

					ALVY
			 Hey, what am I-your son?  Whatta you mean?
			I-I came over TV --_

					ANNIE
				 (Touching his chest with her hand) 
			I got the good chocolate, Alvy.

					ALVY
			 Yeah, where is the spider?

					ANNIE
			 It really is lovely.  It's in the bathroom.

					ALVY
			 Is he in the bathroom?

					ANNIE 
				(Rising from chair) 
			Hey, don't squish it, and after it's 
			dead, flush it down the toilet, okay? 
			And flush it a couple o' times.

					ALVY
				 (Moving down the hallway to 
				the bathroom) 
			Darling, darling, I've been killing 
			spiders since I was thirty, okay?

					ANNIE
				 (Upset, hands on her neck) 
			Oh.  What?


					ALVY 
				(Coming back into the living room) 
			Very big spider.

					ANNIE
			 Yeah?

					ALVY
			 Two ... Yeah.  Lotta, lotta trouble. 
			There's two of 'em. 

Alvy starts walking down the ball again, Annie following.

					ANNIE
			 Two?

					ALVY
				  (Opening a closet door) 
			Yep.  I didn't think it was that big, 
			but it's a major spider.  You got a 
			broom or something with a-

					ANNIE 
			Oh, I-I left it at your house.

					ALVY
				 (Overlapping) 
			-snow shovel or anything or something.

					ANNIE
				 (Overlapping) 
			I think I left it there, I'm sorry.

Reaching up into the closet, Alvy takes out a covered tennis racquet.

					ALVY
				 (Holding the racquet) 
			Okay, let me have this.

					ANNIE
			 Well, what are you doing ... what are 
			you doing with-

					ALVY
			 Honey, there's a spider in your bathroom 
			the size of a Buick.

He walks into the bathroom, Annie looking after him.

					ANNIE
			 Well, okay.  Oooh.

Alvy stands in the middle of the bathroom, tennis racquet in one band, rolled
magazine in the other.  He looks over at the shelf above the sink and picks up 
a small container.  He holds it out, shouting off screen to Annie.

					ALVY 
			Hey, what is this?  You got black soap?
  
					ANNIE
				 (Off screen) 
			It's for my complexion.

					ALVY
			 Whatta-whatta yuh joining a minstrel show?  
			Geez. 
				(Alvy turns and starts swapping 
				the racquet over the shelf, knocking 
				down articles and breaking glass) 
			Don't worry! 
				(He continues to swat the racquet 
				all over the bathroom.  He finally 
				moves out of the room, hands close 
				to his body.  He walks into the 
				other room, where Annie is sitting 
				in a corner of her bed leaning against 
				the wall) 
			I did it!  I killed them both.  What-what's 
			the matter?  Whatta you- 
				(Annie is sobbing, her band over 
				her face)
			-whatta you sad about?  You- What'd you 
			want me to do?  Capture 'em and rehabilitate 
			'em?

					ANNIE
				 (Sobbing and taking Alvy's arm) 
			Oh, don't go, okay?  Please.
		
					ALVY
				 (Sitting down next to her) 
			Whatta you mean, don't go?  Whatta-whatta
			-what's the matter?  Whatta you expecting
			-termites?  What's the matter?

					ANNIE
				 (Sobbing) 
			Oh, uh, I don't know.  I miss you.  Tsch.

She beats her fist on the bed.  Reacting, Alvy puts his arm around her shoulder
and leans back against the wall.

					ALVY
			 Oh, Jesus, really?

					ANNIE
				 (Leaning on his shoulder) 
			Oh, yeah.  Oh. 
				(They kiss) 
			Oh!  Alvy?

					ALVY 
			What?

He touches her face gently as she wipes tears from her face.

					ANNIE
			 Was there somebody in your room when 
			I called you?

					ALVY
			 W-w-whatta you mean?

					ANNIE
			 I mean was there another- I thought I 
			heard a voice.

					ALVY
			Oh, I had the radio on.

					ANNIE
			Yeah?

					ALVY
			I'm sorry.  I had the television set 
			... I had the television-

					ANNIE
			Yeah.

Alvy pulls her to him and they kiss again.

									CUT TO:

INT. ALVY'S BED

Alvy is lying in bed next to Annie, who is leaning on her elbow looking down 
at him.  He rubs her arms and she smiles.

					ANNIE
			 Alvy, let's never break up again.  I don't 
			wanna be apart.

					ALVY 
			Oh, no, no, I think we're both much too 
			mature for something like that.

					ANNIE
			 Living together hasn't been so bad, has it?

					ALVY
			 It's all right for me, it's been terrific, 
			you know?  Better than either one of my 
			marriages.  See, 'cause. . . 'cause there's 
			just something different about you.  I 
			don't know what it is, but it's great.

					ANNIE 
				(Snickering) 
			You know I think that if you let me, maybe 
			I could help you have more fun, you know?  
			I mean, I know it's hard and ... Yeah.

					ALVY 
			I don't know.

					ANNIE 
			Alvy, what about ... what if we go away 
			this weekend, and we could-

					ALVY
			 Tsch, why don't we get ... why don't 
			we get Rob, and the three of us'll 
			drive into Brooklyn, you know, and 
			we show you the old neighborhood.

					ANNIE
			 Okay, okay.  Okay.

					ALVY
			 That'd be fun for yuh.  Don't you think-

					ANNIE
			 Yeah.

Alvy raises up his head and they kiss.

EXT. HIGHWAY

Annie is behind the wheel in her VW, Rob is beside her, Alvy in the back seat
leaning forward so that his head is between them.  They're driving down the 
highway.

					ANNIE
			 -me, my God, it's a great day!

					ALVY 
				(Interrupting) 
			Hey, can yuh watch the road?  Watch the --
 
					ROB
				 (Overlapping) 
			Yeah, watch the road!

					ALVY 
			You'll total the whole car.

					ANNIE
				 (Laughing) 
			Hey, you know, I never even visited 
			Brooklyn before.

					ROB
			 I can't wait to see the old neighborhood.

					ALVY
			 Yeah, the neighborhood's gonna be great.

					ROB
			 We can show her the schoolyard.

					ALVY
			 Right.  I was a great athlete.  Tell 
			her, Max, I was the best, I was all 
			schoolyard.


					ROB 
			Yes, I remember. 
				(Annie laughs) 
			He was all schoolyard.  They threw him 
			a football once, he tried to dribble it.

					ALVY 
			Yeah, well, I used to lose my glasses a lot.


EXT. AMUSEMENT PARK.

Alvy Annie and Rob move toward the roller coaster on the screen.  The area's 
deserted.  Sea gulls are heard.

					ALVY 
			Oh, look, look, there's that ... that's
			-that's my old house.  That's where I 
			used to live.

					ANNIE
				 (Laughing) 
			Holy cow!

					ROB
			 You're lucky, Max-where I used to live 
			is now a pornographic equipment store.

Annie laughs.

					ALVY 
			I have some very good memories there.

					ROB
			 What kind of good memories, Max?  
			Your mother and father fighting all 
			the time.

					ALVY 
			Yeah, and always over the most 
			ridiculous things.


FLASHBACK - INT. ALVY'S HOUSE.

Alvy's father sits in his chair.  His mother is polishing a door while Alvy 
lies on the floor playing.  Annie, adult Alvy and Rob quietly walk into the 
scene to watch.

					ALVY'S FATHER
			You fired the cleaning woman?

					ALVY'S MOTHER
			She was stealing.

					ALVY'S FATHER
			But she's colored.

					ALVY'S MOTHER
			 SO?

					ALVY'S FATHER
			So the colored have enough trouble.

					ALVY'S MOTHER
			She was going through my pocketbook!

					ALVY'S FATHER
			They're persecuted enough!

					ALVY'S MOTHER
			Who's persecuting?  She stole!

Alvy's father gets up and gets his hard hat.  He sits back down and starts 
polishing it.

					ALVY'S FATHER
			 All right-so we can afford it.

					ALVY'S MOTHER
			 How can we afford it?  On your pay?  
			What if she steals more?

					ALVY'S FATHER
			 She's a colored woman, from Harlem!  
			She has no money!  She's got a right 
			to steal from us!  After all, who is 
			she gonna steal from if not us?

					ADULT ALVY
				 (Yelling into the scene) 
			You're both crazy!  

					ROB
			 They can't hear you, Max.

					ALVY'S MOTHER
			 Leo ... I married a fool!

					ROB
				(Pointing) 
			Hey, Max!  Who's that?

As the three friends watch Alvy's old living room, the scene has suddenly 
shifted.  A huge crowd stands around the room, laughing, eating, chatting and 
vibrating with the turns of the roller-coaster ride.

					ALVY
			 It-it-it's the welcome-home party 
			in nineteen forty-five, for my cousin 
			Herbie.

					ADULT ALVY
				 (Pointing) 
			Look, look, there's-there's that one 
			over there, that's Joey Nichols, he 
			was my- 
				(Young Alvy stands next to Joey 
				Nichols, who's sitting in one of 
				the easy chairs.  They smile at 
				each other; people and noise all 
				around)
			-father's friend.  He was always bothering 
			me when I was a kid.

					JOEY
			 Joey Nichols. 
				(Laughing) 
			See.  Nichols.  See, Nichols! 
				(Joey shows young Alvy his cuff 
				links and a tie pin, which are 
				made from nickels, as Alvy stands
				with hands on hips, unconcerned.  
				Joey then slaps his band to his 
				forehead and puts a nickel on 
				his forehead) 
			Yuh see, nickels!  You can always 
			remember my name, just think of Joey 
			Five Cents. 
				(Laughing) 
			That's me.  Joey Five Cents!

Joey grabs Alvy's cheeks and pinches them.

					YOUNG ALVY
				 (Turning away) 
			What an asshole!

A group of women stands near a buffet table eating and listening to Alvy 
mother and her sister, Tessie, and a young girl, as the three friends watch.

					ALVY'S MOTHER
			 I was always the sister with good common 
			sense.  But Tessie was always the one 
			with personality.  When she was younger, 
			they all wanted to marry Tessie.

She touches Tessie's shoulder.  Tessie starts to laugh.

					ADULT ALVY
				 (Pointing, to Rob) 
			Do you believe that, Max?  Tessie 
			Moskowitz had the personality.  She's 
			the life of the ghetto, no doubt.

					ALVY'S MOTHER
				 (To the young girl) 
			She was once a great beauty.

Tessie nods her head "yes."

					ROB 
			Tessie, they say you were the sister 
			with personality.


					TESSIE
				 (Addressing the young girl) 
			I was a great beauty.

					ROB
			 Uh, how did this personality come about?

					TESSIE
				 (Grabbing the young girl's cheek) 
			I was very charming.

					ROB
			 There were many men interested in you?

					TESSIE
				 (To the young girl) 
			Oh, I was quite a lively dancer.

Tessie gyrates back and forth imitating a dancer while Annie and the adult 
Alvy lean on each other laughing.

					ROB
				 (Laughing) 
			That's pretty hard to believe.

EXT. STREET.

Alvy and Annie walk contentedly down a street; Alvy's arm is draped around 
Annie.  People walk by them on the street as they move toward their apartment
building.

					ANNIE
			 Well, I had a really good day, you know 
			that?  It was just a real fine way to 
			spend my birthday.

					ALVY 
			Ah?  Oh, well, your birthday's not till 
			tomorrow, honey, I hate to tell yuh.

					ANNIE 
			Yeah, but it's real close.

					ALVY
			 Yeah, but no presents till midnight.

					ANNIE
				 (Laughing) 
			Oh, darn it.


INT. APARTMENT

Annie and Alvy sit on the sofa.  Annie's unwrapping a gift while Alvy watches.

					ANNIE
				 (Making sounds) 
			This is-
				(Making sounds)
			Huh?

She pulls out flimsy black lingerie from the box.

					ALVY
			Happy birthday.

					ANNIE
			What is this? Is this a...Present?
				(Laughing)
			Are you kidding?

					ALVY
			 Yeah, hey, why don't yuh try it on?

					ANNIE 
			Uh, yeah, uh ... t-t-this is more like 
			a present for you, yeah, but it's-

					ALVY 
			Try it ... it'll add years to our 
			sex life.

					ANNIE
				 (Looking up at Alvy and laughing) 
			Uh huh.  Yeah.  Forget it. 

Alvy leans over and hands her another box as she puts down the lingerie.

					ALVY 
			Here's a real present.

					ANNIE
				 (Opening the gift) 
			What... huh?

					ALVY  
			Check it out.

					ANNIE 
			Oh, yeah?  What is this, anyway?
				(continuing) 
			Let me see.  Okay, let's... oooh, God! 
				(She takes out a watch from the box) 
			Oh, you knew I wanted this ... 
				(Laughing) 
			God, it's terrific, God!

					ALVY
				 (Making sounds) 
			Yeah, I know.  Just-just put on the 
			watch, and-and ... that thing, and 
			we'll just ...

					ANNIE
				 (Laughing) 
			Oh!  My God! 
				(Making sounds)

Alvy kisses Annie.


INT. NIGHT CLUB.

Annie, spotlighted onstage, stands in front of the microphone, smiling.  She 
looks downward and sings "Seems Like Old Times.  " The audience applauds 
loudly as the music fades out.

					ANNIE
				 (Laughing) 
			Thank you.

Alvy sits at the bar, clapping and staring at Annie as she walks over to him 
and sits down.  The low murmur of the night club is surrounding them.

					ALVY
				 (Reacting) 
			You were-you were sensational.  I mean, 
			I-you know, I-I told yuh that if yuh stuck 
			to it, you would be great, and-and, you 
			know, I-I-you-you were sensational.

					ANNIE 
				(Looking at Alvy, smiling) 
			Yeah, well, we have the, I mean, they were 
			just a terrific audience, I mean, you know, 
			it makes it really easy for me, because I 
			can be ... huh?

Tony, a famous record personality, pushes through the crowd, moving toward 
Alvy and Annie.  An entourage follows him as he makes his way to their table. 

TONY 
			Excuse me.

He shakes hands with Annie, smiling.

					ANNIE 
			 Oh.

					TONY 
			Hi, I'm-I'm Tony Lacey.

					ANNIE
			 Well, hi!

					TONY
			Uh, we just wanted to stop by and say 
			that we really enjoyed your sets.

					ANNIE
				(Laughing) 
			Oh, yeah, really, oh!

					TONY
			I though it was ... very musical, and I 
			liked it a lot.

					ANNIE
			 Oh, neat ... oh, that's very nice, 
			gosh, thanks a lot.

					TONY 
			Are you ... are you recording?  Or do- 
			Are you with any label now?

					ANNIE
				 (Laughing) 
			No, no, no, not at all.

					TONY  
			 Uh, well, I'd like to talk to you about 
			that sometime, if you get a chance.

Seated Alvy looks the other way, reacting.

					ANNIE 
			Oh.  What about?

					TONY   
			... of possibly working together.

					ANNIE 
				(Looking for the first time at Alvy) 
			Well, hey, that's, that's nice.  Uh. 
			Oh, listen, this is, uh, Alvy Singer.  
			Do you know Alvy?  Uh ... and ... uh ... 
			Tony Lacey.

					TONY
			 No, I don't-I don't know, but I-I know 
			your work.  I'm a big fan of yours.

Tony reaches over and shakes hands with Alvy.  The nightclub crowd surrounds 
them all with their low chatter and cigarette smoke.

					ALVY 
			Thank you very much.  It's a pleasure.

					TONY
				 (Turning to introduce his entourage) 
			This is, uh, Shawn, and, uh ... Bob and 
			Petronia.

					ANNIE
			 Hi.

					ENTOURAGE 
			Hi.

					ANNIE
				 (Laughing) 
			Hi, hi, Bob ...

					TONY 
			Uh ... w-we're going back to the Pierre.  
			We're staying at the Pierre ... and we're 
			gonna meet Jack and Angelica, and have a 
			drink there, and ... if you'd like to come, 
			uh, we'd love to have you.

					ANNIE 
			Yeah.

					TONY
			 And we could just sit and talk ... nothing.  
			Uh, not a big deal, it's just relax, just 
			be very mellow.

Annie and Tony and his entourage turn to look at Alvy.

					ALVY 
				(Fingers to his mouth, reacting) 
			Remember, we had that thing.

					ANNIE
			 What thing?

					ALVY
				 (Staring at Annie and clearing 
				his throat) 
			Don't you remember we-we-we discussed 
			that thing that we were-

					ANNIE 
				(Overlapping) 
			Thing?

					ALVY 
				(Overlapping) 
			-yes, we had, uh ...

					ANNIE 
				(Looking at Alvy, reacting) 
			Oh, the thing!  Oh, the thing ... 
				(Laughing) 
			... yeah ... yeah.

Annie turns, looks at Tony as he smiles and gestures with his hands.

					TONY 
			Oh, well, I-if it's inconvenient, eh, 
			we can't do it now ... that's fine, 
			too.  W-w-w-we'll do it another time.

					ANNIE
			 Hey-

					TONY 
			Maybe if you're on the Coast, we'll get 
			together and ... and we'll meet there.

He shakes hands with Annie.

					ANNIE 
				(Reacting) 
			Oh.

					TONY
			 It was a wonderful set.

					ANNIE 
			Oh, gosh.

					TONY 
				(Smiling) 
			I really enjoyed it. 
				(Looking at Alvy) 
			Nice to have metcha.  Good night.

					ENTOURAGE 
			Bye-bye.

					ANNIE 
			Nice to see you ... bye.  Yeah.  Bye. 

She turns and looks at Alvy.

					ALVY 
				(Reacting) 
			What's ... you ... well, what's the 
			matter, You w-wanna go to that party?

					ANNIE 
				(Looking down at her hands, 
				then up at Alvy) 
			I don't know, I thought it might be kind 
			of fun, you know what I mean, it'd be 
			nice to meet some new people.

					ALVY
				 (Sighing) 
			I'm just not ... you know, I don't think 
			I could take a mellow eve- 'cause I-I 
			don't respond well to mellow, you know 
			what I mean, I-I have a tendency to ... 
			if I get too mellow, I-I ripen and then 
			rot.  You know, and it's-it's not good 
			for my ... 
				(Making sounds)

					ANNIE 
			All right, all right, you don't wanna go 
			to the party, so uh, whatta you wanna do?


INT. MOVIE THEATER.

The screen is projecting the beginning of "The Sorrow and the Pity": a street 
filled with fleeing cars, belongings tied on top and piled in the back seats. 
Subtitles pop on:

"The Jewish warmongers and
Parisian plutocrats tried
to flee with their gold and jewels"

as a narrator explains in German.

									CUT TO.

Split screen: Annie and her psychiatrist on the left; Alvy and his on the 
right. Annie, talking, sits in a white molded chair, as does her doctor.  
The office is very modern: stark, white and chrome. Alvy, talking to his 
psychiatrist, lies on a deep leather sofa, the doctor seated away from him.  
This office looks more like a well-worn den: bookcases overflowing, dark wood.
The dialogue is separated in each screen, though no one talks simultaneously.

					ANNIE
				 (To her doctor) 
			That day in Brooklyn was the last day 
			I remember really having a great time.

					ALVY 
				(To his doctor) 
			Well, we never have any laughs anymore, 
			is the problem.

					ANNIE 
			Well, I've been moody and dissatisfied.

					ALVY'S PSYCHIATRIST
			 How often do you sleep together?

					ANNIE'S PSYCHIATRIST 
			Do you have sex often?

					ALVY 
			Hardly ever.  Maybe three times a week.

					ANNIE 
			Constantly!  I'd say three times a week.  
			Like the other night, Alvy wanted to have 
			sex.

					ALVY 
			She would not sleep with me the other 
			night, you know, it's-

					ANNIE 
			And ... I don't know ... I mean, six months 
			ago I-I woulda done it.  I woulda done it, 
			just to please him.

					ALVY 
			I mean ... I tried everything, you know, 
			I-I-I put on soft music and my-my red light 
			bulb, and ...

					ANNIE
			 But the thing is-I mean, since our 
			discussions here, I feel I have a right 
			to my own feelings.  I think you woulda 
			been happy because ... uh, uh, I really 
			asserted myself.

					ALVY 
			The incredible thing about it is, I'm 
			paying for her analysis and she's making 
			progress and I'm getting screwed.

					ANNIE 
			I don't know, though, I feel so guilty 
			because Alvy is paying for it, so, you 
			know, so I do feel guilty if I don't go 
			to bed with him.  But if I do go to bed 
			with him, it's like I'm going against my 
			own feelings.  I don't know I-I can't win.

					ALVY 
				(Simultaneously, with Annie) 
			You know ... it's getting expensive
			...my analyst ... for her analyst.  She-
			she's making progress and I'm not making 
			any progress.  Her progress is defeating 
			my progress.

					ANNIE
				(Simultaneously, with Alvy) 
			Sometimes I think-sometimes I think I 
			should just live with a woman.

									CUT TO:


INT. APARTMENT

Alvy and Annie sit close together on the sofa in some friends' apartment. 
Their friends, another couple, stand behind the sofa in the background. 
Excited, they talk almost all at once.

					WOMAN FRIEND 
			Wow, I don't believe it ... you mean to 
			tell me you guys have never snorted coke?

					ANNIE 
			Well, I always wanted to try, you know, 
			but, uh, Alvy, uh ... he's very down on it.

					ALVY 
			Hey, don't put it on me.  You kn- Wh-what 
			is it, I don't wanna put a wad of white 
			powder in my nose 'cause the-the nasal 
			membranes ...

They all start talking at once.

					ANNIE 
			You never wanna try anything new, Alvy.

					ALVY 
				(Counting on his fingers) 
			How can you say that?  I mean, 
				(Making sounds) 
			who said I-I-I-I said that you, I and that 
			girl from your acting class should sleep 
			together in a threesome.

					ANNIE 
				(Reacting) 
			That's sick!

					ALVY 
			Yeah, I know it's sick, but it's new.  
			You know, you didn't say it couldn't be 
			sick.

Annie laughs, chatters.

					WOMAN FRIEND 
			Just come on, Alvy. 
				(All four are now sitting on the 
				sofa. The male friend starts to 
				prepare lines of cocaine; Alvy 
				and Annie look at each other, 
				reacting) 
			Do your body a favor.  Try it, come on.

					ALVY 
			Oh, yeah?

					ANNIE
			 Yeah.  Come on.  It'd be fun.

					ALVY 
				(Moving forward on the couch) 
			Oh, I'm sure it's a lot of fun, 'cause 
			the Incas did it, you know, and-and 
			they-they-they were a million laughs.

					ANNIE 
				(Laughing) 
			Alvy, come on, for your own experience.  
			I mean, you wanna write, why not?

					MALE FRIEND 
			It's great stuff, Alvy.  Friend of mine 
			just brought it in from California.

					ANNIE 
			Oh, do you know something-I didn't tell 
			yuh, we're going to California next week.

					GIRL 
			Oh, really?

					ANNIE 
			Yeah ...

					ALVY  
			 ... I'm thrilled.  As you know, uh ... 
			uh, on my agent's advice I sold out, 
			and I'm gonna do an appearance on TV.


					ANNIE 
				(Interrupting) 
			No, no, no that's not it at all.  Alvy's 
			giving an award on television.  Gee, he 
			talks like he's violating a moral issue 
			sitting here.

					GIRL 
			You're kidding?

					ALVY 
			It's so phony, and we have to leave New 
			York during Christmas week, which really 
			kills me.

					MAN 
				(Interrupting) 
			Alvy, listen, while you're in California, 
			could you possibly score some coke for me?

Annie laughs.

					ALVY 
				(Over Annie's laughter) 
			Sure, sure, I'll be glad to. I-I'll just 
			put it in a-a-a h-h-hollow heel that I 
			have in my boot, you know. 
				(Alvy picks up the small open 
				gold case of cocaine base the man 
				placed on the coffee table and
				looks at it, reacting) 
			H-h-how much is this stuff?

					MAN 
			It's about two thousand dollars an ounce.

					ANNIE 
			God.

					ALVY
			 Really?  And what is the kick of it?  
			Because I never ...

He puts his finger into the drug, smells it and then sneezes.  The powder 
blows all over the room as the man, woman and Annie react silently.

									CUT TO:
	

CALIFORNIA. BEVERLY HILLS STREET-DAY

It's a warm, beautiful day.  Rob, Annie and Alvy in Rob's convertible are 
moving past the spacious houses, the palm trees.  The sunlight reflects off 
the car.  Annie, excited, is taking the whole place in.  Background voices 
sing Christmas carols.

					VOICES
				(Singing) 
			We wish you a Merry Christmas,
			We wish you a Merry Christmas, 
			We wish you a Merry Christmas, 
			And a -Happy New Year.

					ROB 
				(Over the singing) 
			I've never been so relaxed as I have 
			been since I moved out here, Max.  I 
			want you to see my house.  I live 
			right next to Hugh Hefner's house, Max.  
			He lets me use the Jacuzzi.  And the 
			women, Max, they're like the women in 
			Playboy magazine, only they can move 
			their arms and legs.

					ANNIE
				 (Laughing) 
			You know, I can't get over that this is 
			really Beverly Hills.

					VOICES 
				(Singing) 
			We wish you a Merry Christmas,
			And a Happy New Year.

					ALVY 
			Yeah, the architecture is really consistent, 
			isn't it?  French next to-

					VOICES 
				(Singing over the dialogue)
			Oh, Christmas ... tree,
			Oh, Christmas tree,
			How bright and green
			Our ...

					ALVY
			-Spanish, next to Tudor, next to Japanese.

					ANNIE 
			God, it's so clean out here.

					ALVY 
			It's that they don't throw their garbage 
			away.  They make it into television shows.

					ROB 
			Aw, come on, Max, give us a break, will 
			yuh?  It's Christmas. 

Annie starts snapping pictures of the view.

					ALVY 
			Can you believe this is Christmas here?

					VOICES 
				(Singing) 
			Oh Christmas tree,
			Oh Christmas tree ...

They pass a large house with spacious lawn.  Sitting on the lawn is a Santa 
Claus complete with sleigh and reindeer.  Voices continue to sing Christmas 
carols; Annie continues to take pictures.

					ANNIE
			You know, it was snowing-it was snowing 
			and really gray in New York yesterday.

					ROB 
			No kidding?

					ALVY 
			Right-well, Santa Claus will have 
			sunstroke.

					ROB 
			Max, there's no crime, there's no mugging.

					ALVY 
			There's no economic crime, you know, 
			but there's-there's ritual, religious-
			cult murders, you know, there's wheat-
			germ killers out here.

					ROB 
			While you're out here, Max, I want you 
			to see some of my TV show.  And we're 
			invited to a big Christmas party.

They continue driving, now in a less residential area, passing a hot-dog stand.
"Tail-Pup" concession; people mill about eating hot dogs.

					VOICES 
				(Singing, louder now)
			Remember Christ our Savior
			Was born on Christmas day
			To save us all ... from Satan's power
			As we were gone astray.

They pass a theater, the marquee announcing "House of Exorcism Messiah of Evil.
Rated R.  Starts at 7:15."


INT. TV CONTROL ROOM.

Several monitors line the wall in front of an elaborate console.  Rob and Alvy,
along with Charlie, the technician, stand in the small room watching the 
screens showing Rob as a television star on a situation comedy.  They chatter, 
analyzing the footage, over the sounds of the taped television comedy.

					ALVY 
				(Overlapping the chatter) 
			Oh.

					ROB 
			Look, now, Charlie, give me a big 
			laugh here.


					ROB ON TV SCREEN 
			A limousine to the track breakdown?

					ROB
				 (Watching) 
			A little bigger.

TV monitors go black as the technician turns of the monitors to fix the laugh 
track.

					ALVY 
			Do you realize how immoral this all is?

					ROB
			 Max, I've got a hit series.

					ALVY 
			Yeah, I know; but you're adding fake 
			laughs.

Technicians turn the monitors back on, showing Rob on the screen with another 
character, Arnie.

					ARNIE 
			Oh, I'm sorry.

					ROB ON TV SCREEN 
			Arnie.

					ARNIE 
			Yeah.

					ROB 
				(Turning to the technician) 
			Give me a tremendous laugh here, Charlie.

					ALVY 
			Look, uh ...

Loud laughter from the TV monitors.

					ROB 
				(To Alvy) 
			We do the show live in front of an 
			audience.

					ALVY 
			Great, but nobody laughs at it 'cause 
			your jokes aren't funny.

					ROB 
			Yeah, well, that's why this machine 
			is dynamite.

					ROB ON TV SCREEN 
			You better lie down.  You've been in 
			the sun too long.

					ROB 
				(To the technician) 
			Yeah ... uh, now give me a like a 
			medium-size chuckle here ... and 
			then a big hand.

The sounds of laughter and applause are heard from the TV.

					ALVY
				(Removing his glasses and 
				rubbing his face) 
			Is there booing on there?

The monitors show a woman on the screen.

					WOMAN 
			We were just gonna fix you up with my 
			cousin Dolores.

					ALVY 
				(Overlapping the TV) 
			Oh, Max, I don't feel well.

					ROB 
			What's the matter?

					ALVY 
			I don't know, I just got-I got very dizzy... 
				(Coughing) 
			I feel dizzy, Max.

					ROB 
			Well, sit down.

					ALVY 
				(Sitting down) 
			Oh, Jesus.

					ROB 
			You all right?

					ALVY 
			I don't know, I mean, I-

					ROB 
				(Crouching before Alvy, looking 
				at him) 
			You wanna lie down?

					ALVY 
			No, no-my, you know, my stomach felt 
			queasy all morning.  I just started 
			getting ...

					ROB 
			How about a ginger ale?

					ALVY 
			Oh, Max ... no, I maybe I better lie 
			down.


INT. HOTEL ROOM.

Alvy lies in bed, one elbow propped up, a doctor sitting next to him looking 
concerned.  The doctor bolds out a plate of chicken; Alvy listlessly stares at 
it. Annie, in the background, is on the phone.

					ANNIE 
				(Talking into the phone) 
			Yes.

					DOCTOR 
				(Holding out the food) 
			Why don't you just try to get a little 
			of this down?  This is just plain chicken.

					ALVY
				(Taking a piece of chicken and 
				holding it) 
			Oh, oh, no, I can't-I can't eat this.  
			I'm nauseous. 
				(He gasps and makes sounds) 
			If you could-if you could just give me 
			something to get me through the next two 
			hours, you know I-I have to go out to 
			Burbank ... and give out an award on a 
			TV show.

					ANNIE 
				(On the phone, overlapping the 
				doctor and Alvy) 
			Well ... H-h huh ... Oh, good ... Yes, 
			I'll tell him.

					DOCTOR 
			Well, there's nothing wrong with you 
			actually, so far as I can tell.  I mean, 
			you have no fever, no ... no symptoms 
			of anything serious.  You haven't been 
			eating pork or shellfish.

Annie bangs up and moves over to Alvy.

					ANNIE 
				(Sitting on the edge of the bed) 
			Excuse me.  I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Doctor.  
			Uh, Alvy-Alvy, that was the show.  They 
			said everything is fine.  They found a 
			replacement, so they're going to tape 
			without you.

					ALVY
				(Making sounds) 
			I'm nauseous.
				(He sighs and gasps)
			Oh, jesus, now I don't get to do the 
			TV show?

Reacting, Alvy puts up his band in disgust, then starts eating the piece of 
chicken he has been holding.  The doctor and Annie watch him, reacting.

					ANNIE
			 Yeah.  Listen, Doctor, I'm worried.

					DOCTOR 
			Now, Mrs. Singer, I can't find anything --

					ALVY 
			Christ!

					ANNIE 
			Nothing at all?

					DOCTOR 
			No, I think I can get a lab man up here.

					ALVY  
				(Grabbing the rest of the chicken 
				from the plate) 
			Oh, jesus. Can I have the salt, please?

					ANNIE 
			What do you mean?  Do you think he's-

					DOCTOR 
				(Handing the salt to Alvy) 
			Yes, excuse me. 
				(To Annie) 
			Perhaps it would be even better if we 
			took him to the hospital for a day or two.

Alvy begins to eat.

					ANNIE 
			Uh-huh ... Oh, hospital?

					DOCTOR 
			Well, otherwise, there's no real way to 
			tell what's going on. 

					ALVY 
				(Making sounds, gasping) 
			This is not bad, actually.


EXT. BEVERLY HILLS STREET RESIDENTIAL AREA - DAY

Rob, Annie and Alvy in Rob's car pull into a long circular driveway as an 
attendant walks over to the car.  A sprawling house is seen to the right; a 
couple moves toward the front door, and the driveway is crowded with other 
parked cars.  Loud music is heard.

					ALVY 
				(Getting out of the car) 
			Hey, don't tell me we're gonna hafta 
			walk from the car to the house.  Geez, 
			my feet haven't touched pavement since 
			I reached Los Angeles.


INT. HOUSE

A Hollywood Christmas party is in session, complete with music, milling people,
circulating waiters bolding out trays of drinks.  It's all very casual. French 
doors run the entire width of one wall; they are opened to the back lawn, 
guests move from the room to outside and back in.  It is crowded; bits of 
conversation and clinking glasses can be heard.  Two men, California-tanned, 
stand by the French doors talking.

					1ST MAN 
			Well, you take a meeting with him, I'll 
			take a meeting with you if you'll take 
			a meeting with Freddy.

					2ND MAN 
			I took a meeting with Freddy.  Freddy 
			took a meeting with Charlie.  You take 
			a meeting with him.

					1ST MAN 
			All the good meetings are taken.

									CUT TO:


FULL GROUP SHOT

A man stands talking, people in groups behind him.  Two born like gadgets are 
attached to his shoulders; he's wearing a bizarre space costume.

					3RD MAN 
			Right now it's only a notion, but I 
			think I can get money to make it into 
			a concept ... and later turn it into 
			an idea.

									CUT TO:

Alvy and Rob stand near the French doors leading to the back lawn, eating and 
drinking and watching the people walking in and out of the house.

					ROB 
			You like this house, Max?

					ALVY 
			M'hm.

					ROB 
			I even brought a road map to get us to 
			the bathroom.

					ALVY 
			Whee, you shoulda told me it was Tony 
			Lacey's party.

					ROB 
			What difference does that make?

Alvy looks into the room, where Annie and Tony Lacey are having an animated 
conversation.

ALVY 
			I think he has a little thing for Annie.

					ROB 
			Oh, no, no, that's bullshit, Max.  He 
			goes with that girl over there.

					ALVY 
			Where?

Rob nods his head toward a tall woman dressed all in white conversing with a 
group of people close-by.

					ROB 
			The one with the V.P.L.

					ALVY 
			V.P.L.?

					ROB 
			Visible panty line.  Max, she is gorgeous.

					ALVY 
			Yeah, she's a ten, Max, and that's great 
			for you because you're -you're used to 
			twos, aren't you?

					ROB 
			There are no twos, Max.

					ALVY 
			Yeah, you're used to the kind with the-
			with the shopping bags walking through 
			Central Park with the surgical masks 
			on muttering.

					ROB 
			M'hm.

					ALVY 
			And ... uh-

					ROB 
				(Interrupting) 
			How do you like this couple, Max?

A couple moves over toward Rob and Alvy.  The man's arm is around the woman; 
they stand very close.  In the background, Annie and Tony are still talking.

					ROB 
			And I think they just came back from 
			Masters and Johnson.

					ALVY 
			Yeah, intensive care ward. 
				(Watching the woman in white) 
			My God-hey, Max, I think she's ... I 
			think she's giving me the eye. 

As Rob and Alvy observe the guests, the woman in white starts walking toward 
them.

					ROB 
			If she comes over here, Max, my brain 
			is going to turn into guacamole.

					ALVY
			 I'll handle it.  I'll handle it.  Hi.

					GIRL IN WHITE  
			You're Alvy Singer, right?  Didn't 
			we meet at EST?

					ALVY 
				(Reacting) 
			EST?  No, no, I was never to est.

					GIRL IN WHITE 
			Then how can you criticize it?

					ALVY 
			Oh.

					ROB 
			Oh, he-he didn't say anything.

					ALVY 
				(Laughing) 
			No, no, I came out here to get some 
			shock therapy, but there was an energy 
			crisis, so I ... He's my-my food taster.  
			Have you two met?

					ROB
				(Shaking his head) 
			Hi.  How do you do.

					GIRL IN WHITE 
			Do you taste to see if the food's poisoned?

					ALVY
			 Yeah, he's crazy.

The girl in white laughs.

					ALVY 
				 (Looking at Rob and the girl) 
			Hey, you guys are wearin' white. It must 
			be in the stars.

					ROB 
			Yeah.  Right.

					ALVY 
			Uri Geller must be on the premises 
			someplace.

					ROB 
			We're gonna operate together.

Rob and the girl walk of together as the camera moves in on Tony and Annie 
standing by the buffet table.

					TONY 
			We just need about six weeks, in about 
			six weeks we could cut a whole album.

					ANNIE
			I don't know, this is strange to me, 
			you know.

					TONY
			just ... that's all you need.  You can 
			come and stay here.

					ANNIE
			Oh.

					TONY 
			There's a whole wing in this house.

					ANNIE 
				(Laughing) 
			Oh yeah, stay here?  U-huh.

					TONY 
			You can have it to use.  Why-why are 
			you smiling?

					ANNIE 
				(Laughing) 
			I don't know.  I don't know.

She picks up an hors doeuvre.

									CUT TO:


The two men still talking about meetings surrounded by other groups of people 
milling about.

					1ST MAN 
			Not only is he a great agent, but he 
			really gives good meetings.

					2ND MAN   
			M'mm.

Tony, band in band with the girl in white, is leaving the party room with Alvy 
and Annie to show them the rest of the house.

					TONY 
			This is a great house, really.  Everything.  
			Saunas, Jacuzzis, three tennis courts.  
			You know who the original owners were?  
			Nelson Eddy, then Legs Diamond.  Then 
			you know who lived here?

					ALVY 
			Trigger.

Annie and the girl in white laugh.

					TONY 
			Charlie Chaplin.

					ALVY 
			Hey.

					TONY 
			Right before his un-American thing.

They stop in a den-like screening room.  A man is slouched back on one of the 
comfortable sofas that fill the room.  It is much quieter in here; a contrast 
to the noise and crowd downstairs.

					ALVY 
			Yeah, this place is great.

					ANNIE 
			Yeah.

					TONY 
			Uh, you guys are still-uh, you're still 
			New Yorkers.

					ALVY  
			Yeah, I love it there.

					ANNIE 
				(Laughing) 
			Yeah.

					TONY 
			Well, I used to live there.  I used to 
			live there for years.  You know, but 
			it's gotten-it's so dirty now.

					ANNIE 
			Yeah.

					ALVY 
			I'm into garbage.  It's my thing.

					ANNIE 
			Boy, this is really a nice screening 
			room.  It's really a nice room.

					TONY 
			Oh, and there's another thing about New 
			York.  See ... you-you wanna see a movie, 
			you have to stand in a long line.

					ANNIE 
			Yeah.

					TONY
			 It could be freezing, it could be raining.

					ANNIE 
			Yeah.

					TONY
			And here, you just-

					GIRL IN WHITE 
			We saw "Grand Illusion" here last night.

					ALVY AND ANNIE 
				(In unison) 
			Oh, yeah?

					MAN ON THE SOFA 
				(Looking over his shoulder at 
				the group) 
			That's a great film if you're high. 
				(The group laughs, looking down 
				at the man on the sofa. He looks 
				up at them, smiling, a joint in 
				his hand, and offers them a cigarette) 
			Hey, you.

					TONY 
				(Shaking his head no) 
			Come and see our bedroom.  We did a 
			fantastic lighting job.  Okay?

					ANNIE
			 Oh, good.  Okay.

					ALVY 
			I'm cool.

Tony and the girl in white leave the room, Annie and Alvy following.

					ANNIE 
				(Taking Alvy's arm) 
			It's wonderful. I mean, you know they 
			just watch movies all day.

					ALVY 
			Yeah, and gradually you get old and die.  
			You know it's important to make a little 
			effort once in a while.

					ANNIE 
			Don't you think his girl friend's 
			beautiful?

					ALVY 
			Yeah, she's got a great-lookin' fa- A 
			pat on the androgynous side.  But it's...

They pass a man talking on the phone in the hallway.


					MAN ON THE PHONE 
			Yeah, yeah.  I forgot my mantra.

As they come down stairs the party is still in big gear.  People are looser 
now; conversations are more animated, some talk quietly in more intimate 
corners, some couples are dancing.  Alvy stands alone sipping a drink near the 
huge Christmas tree.  A tall woman, passing by, shakes his hand, then leaves. 
He continues to sip his drink, alone, watching Tony and Annie in the center of 
the room dancing.

The screen shows a plane in flight, Los Angeles far below, then:

									CUT TO:


AIRPLANE.  INT. AIRPLANE

Annie and Alvy sit, the stewardess behind them serving other passengers. Annie
stares out the window bolding a coffee cup; Alvy reads.  Both are preoccupied, 
thinking their own thoughts.

					ANNIE'S VOICE-OVER 
				(To herself) 
			That was fun.  I don't think California 
			is bad at all.  It's a drag coming home.

					ALVY'S VOICE-OVER 
				(To himself) 
			Lotta beautiful women.  It was fun 
			to flirt.

					ANNIE'S VOICE-OVER 
				(As she sips coffee) 
			I have to face facts. I-I adore Alvy, 
			but our relationship doesn't seem to 
			work anymore.

					ALVY'S VOICE-OVER 
				(An open magazine lies in 
				his lap) 
			I'll have the usual trouble with Annie 
			in bed tonight.  Whatta I need this?

					ANNIE'S VOICE-OVER 
			If only I had the nerve to break up, 
			but it would really hurt him.

					ALVY'S VOICE-OVER 
			If only I didn't feel guilty asking 
			Annie to move out.  It'd probably 
			wreck her.  But I should be honest.

He looks over at Annie.

					ANNIE 
				(Looking back at Alvy) 
			Alvy, uh, let's face it.  You know 
			something, don't think our relationship 
			is working.

					ALVY 
			Tsch, I know.  A relationship, I think, 
			is-is like a shark, you know?  It has 
			to constantly move forward or it dies. 
				(He sighs) 
			And I think what we got on our hands 
				(Clearing his throat) 
			is a dead shark.


INT. ALVY'S LIVING ROOM-DAY

A lighted Christmas tree stands in the middle of boxes, books, and the general 
disarray of packing and figuring out what belongs to whom as Alvy helps Annie 
move out.

					ALVY 
				(Holding up a book) 
			Whose "Catcher in the Rye" is this?

					ANNIE 
				(Walking into the room with an 
				armload of books) 
			Well, let's see now ... If it has my 
			name on it, then I guess it's mine.

					ALVY 
				(Reacting) 
			Oh, it sure has ... You know, you wrote 
			your name in all my books, 'cause you 
			knew this day was gonna come.

					ANNIE 
				(Putting down the books and 
				flipping back her hair) 
			Well, uh, Alvy, you wanted to break up 
			just as much as I do.

					ALVY 
				(Riffling through the books) 
			There's no-no question in my mind.  I 
			think we're doing the mature thing, 
			without any doubt.

					ANNIE 
				(Holding a framed picture and 
				moving about) 
			Now, look, all the books on death and 
			dying are yours and all the poetry books 
			are mine.

					ALVY 
				(Looking down at a book) 
			This "Denial of Death".  You remember this?

					ANNIE 
			Oh-

					ALVY 
			This is the first book that I got you.

Annie goes over to Alvy.  They both look down at the book; the fireplace, 
burning nicely, is behind them.

					ANNIE 
			-God.

					ALVY 
			Remember that day?

					ANNIE 
			Right.  Geez, I feel like there's a 
			great weight off my back.  M'mmm.

					ALVY 
			Thanks, honey.

					ANNIE 
				(Patting Alvy's shoulder) 
			Oh, no, no, no, no, no.  I mean, you 
			know, no, no, no, I mean, I think it's 
			really important for us to explore new 
			relationships and stuff like that.

She walks away.

					ALVY 
			There's no-there's no question about 
			that, 'cause we've given this ... uh, 
			uh, I think a more than fair shot, 
			you know?

He tosses the book into the carton.

					ANNIE 
				(Off screen) 
			Yeah, my analyst thinks this move is 
			keen for me.

					ALVY 
				(Off screen)  
			Yeah, and I-I tru-  you know, I trust 
			her, because my-my analyst recommended 
			her.

					ANNIE 
				(Walking in with another 
				armload of books) 
			Well, why should I put you through all 
			my moods and hang-ups anyway?

					ALVY 
			Right.  And you-and you know what the 
			beauty part is?

					ANNIE 
			What?

					ALVY 
				(Holding a small box of buttons) 
			We can always come back together again.  
			Because there's no-there's no problem.  
			'Cause ... Right.

					ANNIE 
				(Overlapping) 
			Exactly, but ... exactly.  Ooooh!

					ALVY 
			You know, I-I-I don't think many couples 
			could handle this.  You know, they could 
			just break up and remain friends.

					ANNIE 
				(Taking a button from a box) 
			Hey, this one's mine, this button.
			This one, you rem-

					ALVY 
				(Interrupting) 
			Yeah.

					ANNIE 
			I guess these are all yours.  Impeach, uh, 
			Eisenhower ... Impeach Nixon ... Impeach 
			Lyndon Johnson ... Impeach Ronald Reagan.


EXT. NEW YORK CITY STREET-DAY

People milling about on the sidewalk as Alvy walks out of a store and moves 
toward the foreground.

					ALVY 
				(Into the camera, to the audience) 
			I miss Annie.  I made a terrible 
			mistake.

A couple, walking down the street, stops as the man talks to Alvy.

					MAN ON THE STREET 
			She's living in Los Angeles with 
			Tony Lacey.

					ALVY 
			Oh, yeah?  Well, if she is, then the 
			hell with her!  If she likes that 
			lifestyle, let her live there!  He's 
			a jerk, for one thing.

					MAN ON THE STREET 
			He graduated Harvard.

					ALVY
			 Yeah. He may- Listen, Harvard makes 
			mistakes too, you know.  Kissinger 
			taught there.  

The couple strolls away as an older woman walks up to Alvy while others walk by.

					OLD WOMAN 
			Don't tell me you're jealous?

					ALVY 
			Yeah, jealous. A little bit like Medea. 
			Lemme, lemme-can I show you something, 
			lady? 
				(He takes a small item from his 
				pocket to show the woman) 
			What I have here ... I found this in the 
			apartment.  Black soap.  She used to wash 
			her face eight hundred times a day with 
			black soap. Don't ask me why.

					OLD WOMAN 
			Well, why don't you go out with other 
			women?

					ALVY 
			Well, I-I tried, but it's, uh, you know, 
			it's very depressing.


RECENT FLASHBACK - INT. ALVY'S COUNTRY KITCHEN

Alvy's arms and legs fill the screen as he slowly gets up from the floor 
bolding up a live lobster.  He puts it on a grill tray.

					ALVY 
				(Pointing to the lobster) 
			This always happens to me.  Quick, g-go 
			get a broom. 

His date, a girl wearing short shorts, leans against the sink and lights a 
cigarette.  She makes no move to help.

					GIRL DATE 
				(Smoking) 
			What are you making such a big deal about? 
				(As she talks, the lobster drops 
				from the tray to the floor.  Alvy 
				jumps away, then gingerly scrapes 
				the tray toward the lobster) 
			They're only lobsters.  Look, you're a 
			grown man, you know how to pick up a 
			lobster.

					ALVY 
				(Looking up in stooped-over 
				position) 
			I'm not myself since I stopped smoking.

					GIRL DATE 
				(Still leaning against the sink, 
				her hand on her hip) 
			Oh, when'd you quit smoking? 

He gets up of the floor with the lobster on the tray.

					ALVY 
			Sixteen years ago.

					GIRL DATE 
				(Puzzled) 
			Whatta you mean?  

					ALVY 
				(Mocking) 
			Mean?

					GIRL DATE 
			You stopped smoking sixteen years ago, 
			is that what you said?  Oh, I-I don't 
			understand.  Are you joking, or what?

									CUT TO:


A solitary Alvy walking along the FDR Drive where he had walked with Annie. - 
The New York skyline is still in the background, the sea gulls go by, the fog 
horn blows.  He walks slowly, moving off screen.


INT. ALVY'S BEDROOM - DAY

Alvy sits on his bed talking on the phone.

					ALVY 
			Listen, honey, Central Park's turning 
			green ... Yeah, I sa-I saw that lunatic 
			that we-where we used to see ... with 
			the, uh, uh, pinwheel hat and, you know, 
			and the roller skates? . . . Listen, 
			I-I want you to come back here ... Well, 
			I-I-then I'm gonna come out there and 
			getcha.

									CUT TO:


An airborne plane.

									CUT TO:


EXT. LOS ANGELES AIRPORT.

People milling about as Alvy, in the outside phone-booth center, talks.

					ALVY 
			Whatta you mean, where am I? Where do-
			where do you think I am?  I'm-I'm out 
			... I'm at the Los Angeles Airport.  
			I flew in ... 
				(Sniffling) 
			Tsch, I-well, I flew in to see you ... 
				(Muttering) 
			Hey, listen, can we not debate this 
			on-on the telephone because I'm, you 
			know, I-I feel that I got a temperature 
			and I'm-I'm getting my-my chronic Los 
			Angeles nausea. I-I don't feel so good.

Alvy's conversation is still heard as the screen shows him behind the wheel of 
a car on a busy street; he causes a near-accident by jerking the car too slowly
toward an intersection.

					ALVY'S VOICE-OVER 
			Well, where-wherever you wanna meet, I 
			don't care.  I'll-I'll drive in.  I 
			rented a car I'm driving ... that ... 
			Whatta you mean?  What-why is that such 
			a miracle?  I'm driving myself --


EXT. OUTDOOR CAFâ - DAY

People sit at umbrellaed tables with checkered tablecloths at a Sunset 
Boulevard outdoor cafe.  Street traffic goes by while they dine.  There's a 
mild California breeze.  The restaurant is somewhat crowded as Alvy makes his 
way around the tables looking about.  He finally sits down at an empty table; 
nearby sits a woman with a younger man.  A waitress brings Alvy a menu and 
waits for his order.

					ALVY
				(To the waitress) 
			I'm gonna...I'm gonna have the alfalfa 
			sprouts and, uh, a plate of mashed yeast.

Annie, wearing a flowered dress and wide hat, moves into view.  Alvy,
noticing her, watches as she walks over to his table.  He rises and they shake 
hands.

					ANNIE 
			Hi.

Alvy wipes at his nose as he stares.  He smiles, the street traffic moving 
behind him. Annie smiles back.

					ALVY 
			You look very pretty.

					ANNIE 
			Oh, no, I just lost a little weight, 
			that's all. 
				(Alvy adjusts his glasses, not 
				exactly knowing where to start;	 
				a bit uneasy) 
			Well, you look nice.

					ALVY 
				(Nodding his head) 
			You see, I-I've been thinking about it 
			and I think that we should get married.

					ANNIE 
				(Adjusting her sunglasses) 
			Oh, Alvy, come on.

					ALVY 
			Why?  You wanna live out here all year?  
			It's like living in Munchkin Land.

					ANNIE 
				(Looking around) 
			Well, whatta you mean?  I mean, it's 
			perfectly fine out here.  I mean, Tony's 
			very nice and, uh, well, I meet people 
			and I go to parties and-and we play tennis.  
			I mean, that's ... that's a very big step 
			for me, you know?  I mean ... 
				(Reacting, Alvy looks down at 
				his hands, then up) 
			I'm able to enjoy people more.

					ALVY 
				(Sadly) 
			So whatta you ... You're not gonna come 
			back to New York?

					ANNIE 
				(Smiling) 
			What's so great about New York?  I mean, 
			it's a dying city.  You read "Death in 
			Venice."

					ALVY 
			Hey, you didn't read "Death in Venice"
			till I bought it for yuh.

					ANNIE 
			That's right, that's right. 
				(Still smiling) 
			You only gave me books with the word 
			"death" in the titles.

					ALVY 
				(Nodding his head and gesturing) 
			That's right, 'cause it's an important 
			issue.

					ANNIE 
			Alvy, you're incapable of enjoying life, 
			you know that?  I mean, your life is New 
			York City.  You're just this person.  
			You're like this island unto yourself.

					ALVY 
				(Toying with his car keys) 
			I can't enjoy anything unless I ... unless 
			everybody is.  I-you know, if one guy is 
			starving someplace, that's ... you know, 
			I-I ... it puts a crimp in my evening. 
				(Looking down at his hands, sadly) 
			So wanna get married or what?

					ANNIE 
				(Seriously) 
			No. We're friends.  I wanna remain friends.

					ALVY 
				(In disbelief) 
			Okay. 
				(Louder, to the waitress) 
			Check, please.  Can I -can I ... 
			Can I ... Can I ...

					ANNIE 
				(Interrupting) 
			You're mad, aren't you?

					ALVY 
				(Shaking his head) 
			No. 
				(Then nodding) 
			Yes, of course I'm mad, because you 
			love me, I know that.

					ANNIE 
			Alvy, I can't say that that's true at 
			this point in my life.  I really just 
			can't say that that's true.  I mean, 
			you know how wonderful you are.  I 
			mean, you know ... you're the reason 
			that I got outta my room and that I 
			was able to sing, and-and-and, you know, 
			get more in touch with my feelings and 
			all that crap.  Anyway, look, I don't 
			wanna- Listen, listen, listen, uh 
				(Laughing) 
			h'h, so whatta you up to anyway, huh?

					ALVY
				(Shrugging his shoulders) 
			The usual, you know. Uh, tryin't'write. 
			I'm workin' on a play. 
				(Sighing) 
			Jesus.  So whatta yuh saying?  That 
			you're not comin' back to New York with
			me?

He nods his head in disbelief.

					ANNIE 
				(Nodding) 
			No! 
				(Pauses) 
			Look, I gotta go.

She starts to rise.

					ALVY 
			You mean that ... 
				(He gets up and starts following 
				her past diners at other tables) 
			I-I-I-I flew three thousand miles to 
			see you.


					ANNIE 
			I'm late.

					ALVY 
			Air miles, you know.  I mean, you 
			know what that does to my stomach?

They move down the steps of the cafe' toward the parking lot.

					ANNIE 
			If you must know, it's a hectic time 
			for Tony.  The Grammys are tonight.

					ALVY 
			The what?

					ANNIE 
			The Grammys.  He's got a lotta records 
			up for awards.

					ALVY 
			You mean they give awards for that 
			kind o' music?

					ANNIE
			 Oh!

					ALVY 
			I thought just earplugs.

Annie gets into her car.  Alvy moves over to his rented convertible.

					ANNIE 
			Just forget it, Alvy, okay?  Let's 
			just forget the conversation.

She closes the door, starts the motor.

					ALVY
				(Yelling after her) 
			Awards! They do nothing but give out 
			awards!  I can't believe it.  Greatest, 
			greatest fascist dictator, Adolf Hitler!  

Annie drives away. Alvy gets behind the wheel, starts the motor. Putting the 
car in gear, he inadvertently moves forward, hitting a bunch of trash cans with
a loud crash. Putting the car in reverse, Alvy notices a beige car that has 
just turned into the parking lot. For a brief moment, the screen shows a 
flashback of the bumper-car ride at the Brooklyn amusement park.  Alvy's father
is on the Platform directing traffic; young Alvy is in a small car bumping 
others right and left.  Alvy, hack in the parking lot, backs up his convertible,
purposefully smashing the side of the beige car as another flashback of bumper-
car ride appears, this time-as, Alvy's father directs traffic-a Marine in a 
small car bits the back end of a soldier's car, and Alvy, back in the parking 
lot, moves his car over to another parked car and bits it full force.

Another flashback appears. people in the small cars really racing around the 
track now, bumping into one another over and over again, Alvy's father 
directing the flow, as the film cuts back to the parking lot, where Alvy 
reverses the convertible and rams it into the front end of yet another car.

He sits behind the wheel as people rush out of various cars and as sirens 
start blaring, coming closer and closer, stopping finally as a motorcycle cop 
gets off beside Alvy's car and walks over to him.

					ALVY 
				(Getting out of the car) 
			Officer, I know what you're gonna say.  
			I'm-I'm not a great driver, you know, 
			I-I have some problems with-with-with-

					OFFICER 
				(Interrupting) 
			May I see your license, please?

					ALVY 
			Sure. 
				(Searching, he finally fishes 
				his license out of his pocket) 
			just don't-don't get angry, you know 
			what I mean?  'Cause I-I have - I have 
			my-my license here.  You know, it's a 
			rented car.  And I've ...

He drops the license and it falls to the ground.

					OFFICER
			 Don't give me your life story 
				(Looking at the piece of paper 
				on the ground)
			-just pick up the license.

					ALVY 
			Pick up the license.  You have to ask 
			nicely 'cause I've had an extremely 
			rough day.  You know, my girl friend-

					OFFICER 
				(Interrupting) 
			Just give me the license, please.

					ALVY 
			Since you put it that way. 
				(He laughs) 
			It's hard for me to refuse. 
				(He leans over, picks up the 
				license, then proceeds to rip 
				it up.  He lets the pieces go; 
				they float to the ground)
			... have a, I have a terrific problem 
			with authority, you know.  I'm... it's 
			not your fault.  Don't take it personal.

									CUT TO:


INT. JAIL-CELLS CORRIDOR.

A guard moves down the ball to the cell where, Alvy stands with other inmates.
He unlocks the door and opens it, letting Alvy out.

					ALVY 
			So long, fellas.  Keep in touch. 

He walks down the corridor off screen.


EXT. A STREET IN FRONT OF THE COURT HOUSE - DAY

Policemen are walking up and down the courthouse steps as Alvy and Rob move 
out the door of the building, down the steps to the street.

					ROB 
			Imagine my surprise when I got your 
			call, Max.

					ALVY 
				(Carrying his jacket over his 
				shoulder) 
			Yeah.  I had the feeling that I got 
			you at a bad moment.  You know, I heard 
			high-pitched squealing.

They walk over to Rob's convertible and get in.

					ROB 
				(Starting the car) 
			Twins, Max.  Sixteen-year-olds.  Can you 
			imagine the mathematical possibilities?

					ALVY 
				(Reacting) 
			You're an actor, Max.  You should be 
			doing Shakespeare in the Park.

					ROB 
			Oh, I did Shakespeare in the Park, Max.  
			I got mugged.  I was playing Richard the 
			Second and two guys with leather jackets 
			stole my leotard.

He puts on an elaborate helmet and goggles.

					ALVY 
				(Looking at Rob's helmet) 
			Max, are we driving through plutonium?

					ROB 
			Keeps out the alpha rays, Max.  You 
			don't get old.

									CUT TO:


INT. REHEARSAL HALL OF A THEATER.

An actor and actress sit on hard wooden chairs in a sparse rehearsal ball.  
They face each other.  The actress resembles Annie; the actor, Alvy.

					ACTOR 
			You're a thinking person.  How can you 
			choose this lifestyle?

					ACTRESS 
			What is so incredibly great about New 
			York?  It's a dying city!  You-you read 
			"Death in Venice".

					ACTOR 
			You didn't read "Death in Venice" till 
			I gave it to you!

					ACTRESS 
			Well, you only give me books with the 
			word "death" in the title.

The camera pulls back, showing Alvy sitting with two men at a table set up 
near the actors.  A mirror, running the whole width of the wall, reflects the 
two actors, a script lying on the table between them.  It is obvious now that 
they are rehearsing a scene that Alvy wrote.

					ACTOR 
				(In mirrored reflection) 
			It's an important issue.

					ACTRESS 
				(In mirrored reflection) 
			Alvy, you are totally incapable of 
			enjoying life.

The camera moves back to actual actor and actress.

					ACTRESS 
			You're like New York.  You're an island.

					ACTOR 
				(Rising with emotion) 
			Okay, if that's all that we've been 
			through together means to you, I guess 
			it's better if we just said goodbye, 
			once and for all!  You know, it's funny, 
			after all the serious talks and passionate 
			moments that it ends here ... in a health
			-food restaurant on Sunset Boulevard.  
			Goodbye, Sunny.

The actor begins to leave as the actress jumps up from her chair.

					ACTRESS 
			Wait!  I'm-I'm gonna ... go with you. 
				(The actor comes back. They embrace) 
			I love you.

The camera cuts to Alvy, who turns and looks straight into the camera.

					ALVY 
				(To the audience, gesturing) 
			Tsch, whatta you want?  It was my first 
			play.  You know, you know how you're 
			always tryin' t' get things to come out 
			perfect in art because, uh, it's real 
			difficult in life.  Interestingly, however, 
			I did run into Annie again.  It was on the 
			Upper West Side of Manhattan.

Annie, singing "Seems Like Old Times, " overlaps Alvy's speech and continues 
over the next scene, where Alvy, standing in front of a Manhattan theater, 
shakes hands with Annie and her escort.  The theater marquee reads "OPHULS 
PRIZE FILM: 'THE SORROW AND THE PITY'."

					ALVY'S VOICE
				(Over the theater scene and, 
				Annie's singing) 
			She had moved back to New York.  She was 
			living in SoHo with some guy. 
				(Laughing) 
			And when I met her she was, of all things, 
			dragging him in to see "The Sorrow and the 
			Pity."  Which I counted as a personal 
			triumph.  Annie and I ... 
				(Alvy's voice continues over the 
				scene shot through a window of 
				Manhattan cafe showing Alvy and 
				Annie sitting at a table, laughing 
				and enjoying themselves) 
			... we had lunch sometime after that, and, 
			uh, just, uh, kicked around old times.

A series of flashbacks following in quick succession while Annie continues to 
sing:

Annie and Alvy going up the FDR Drive, the day they met playing tennis, Annie 
driving, Alvy bolding up partially eaten sandwich.

Annie and Alvy in the Hamptons house kitchen, Annie banding a live lobster to 
Alvy, who drops it in the pot on the stove.

Annie and Alvy walking side by side by the shoreline.

Alvy at the tennis club, packing his bag, as he looks over his shoulder and 
sees Annie, hands on her face, then clapping, as she offers him a ride home 
in her car.

Annie opening the door to Alvy the night he came over to kill the spider; Annie
and, Alvy in the bookstore buying the "Death" titles; Annie and, Alvy in 
their Hamptons house, Annie reading a school catalogue, the night Alvy puts 
in the red light.

The memories continue to flash on the screen: Annie and Alvy at a friend's 
house, Alvy blowing the cocaine all over the sofa; Annie and Alvy playing 
tennis; Annie and Alvy having a picture taken backstage at the college 
performance in Annie's hometown; Alvy bolding Annie close, the night he came 
over to kill the spider.

And continue: Annie carrying her luggage and clothes into Alvy's bedroom, Alvy 
following, the day she first moved into his apartment.  Annie holding up her 
sexy birthday present from Alvy, then leaning over and kissing him; Annie and 
Alvy walking down a city street, holding each other close; sitting on the park
bench, observing the people; and kissing, on the FDR Drive, the New York City 
skyline behind them.
The music stops.

Returning to the present, the camera, focusing through the cafe window, shows 
Annie and Alvy across street.  They look about at the city traffic.  Lunch is 
over; it's time.

Alvy and Annie shake hands and kiss each other friendly like.  Annie crosses 
the street, Alvy watching her go.  Then he turns, and slowly walks down the 
street off screen.  His voice is heard over the scene:

					ALVY'S VOICE-OVER 
			After that it got pretty late.  And we 
			both hadda go, but it was great seeing 
			Annie again, right?  I realized what a 
			terrific person she was and-and how much 
			fun it was just knowing her and I-I 
			thought of that old joke, you know, this-
			this-this guy goes to a psychiatrist and 
			says, "Doc, uh, my brother's crazy.  He 
			thinks he's a chicken." And, uh, the 
			doctor says, "Well, why don't you turn 
			him in?" And the guy says, "I would, but 
			I need the eggs." Well, I guess that's 
			pretty much how how I feet about 
			relationships.  You know, they're totally 
			irrational and crazy and absurd and ... 
			but, uh, I guess we keep goin' through it 
			because, uh, most of us need the eggs.




					THE END


									DISSOLVES INTO:


BLACK BACKGROUND; 

credits popping on and of in white.